Fat Mancunian

The Iron Lady

2012-01-11T21:38:00.001Z

It’s the big film of the year so far (after one week) and I’m dying to see it. However, I won’t.

This isn’t due to the usual, trademark FatMancunian lazy gene kicking in as usual, no. There’s a reason.

If you don’t know what the Iron Lady is (welcome to the world outside your cave – this is the internet) it’s a biopic of the former Prime Minister of ours, Mrs. Margaret Thatcher. It’s told through the eyes of a woman in advanced years who is basically deteriorating with dementia at some rate and telling her tale through flashbacks. A story of how a plucky young chemist from a leafy Lincolnshire market town ended up being the first woman to rule Britannia since Elizabeth I.

Meryl Streep is, apparently, mesmerizing as Thatcher. Olivia Colman is, so I’m told, heartbreakingly good as Carol and I’m lead to believe that Jim Broadbent’s Denis Thatcher is a treat.

I’ll never know.

I won’t see it….and here’s why.

The words “Margaret Thatcher” cannot help but stir the feelings of anyone over the age of 30, or politically aware. She divided opinion in the same way she tried to divide the country when in power, and my opinion – as naive as it may be – is as strong as any other opinion I hold.

I detest her.

I’m on the organising committee for the street parties when she dies, her picture threatens me, her voice rankles me and I don’t fully trust (as a rule – there ARE exceptions) those who saw the good in her. This is due in equal part to my upbringing and my own politics and her place against everything I hold dear.

As a result, I will not be able to look at the film objectively and as such won’t enjoy it. From what I can gather from reviews I’ve read and heard this film does what most biopics do and looks at the person behind the facade. The mother, the wife, the poor old lady who is being ravaged by a failing mind.

It looks at the cosmetics of her tenure, how image was so important in her rise to power without challenging the way she treated the poorest in her society.

To me she is a monster, a boogieman. It’s troubling to me that I have such a low opinion of her that the recent revelations about the disgraceful way her cabinet planned to deal with the social problems that Liverpool suffered (as a direct result of her policies and actions) came as no surprise whatsoever.

This film humanises Margaret Thatcher….and I don’t want my demons humanized.

To expose myself to any attempt at empathising with her worries me because I might realise that she’s just a woman, just a normal person, just a human being, a fellow human being….and I just don’t want any suggestion that Thatcher and I share anything entering my psyche. I’m depressed enough.

So as much as I’d like to take in what is from most accounts a fine piece of film-making, I’ll avoid it. Keep the Boogieman under the bed, where she belongs.

Stop 1 - The Stag

2011-12-22T15:02:00.001Z

Every good work do starts with a meal and mine's no different. Steak and Ale pie at a surprisingly busy Stag.

Ordered a Carlsberg to go with it because the Guinness is always crap in here and the only bitter they have is Yorkshire rubbish.

Pie was piping hot and gorgeous. Beer palatable, atmosphere good and the scary locals got less and less scary the more they harmonised with the Human

League tunes on the jukebox.

Got a call from housemate and colleague Moss who's up for tagging along.

She and another possible recruit, Louisa, are waiting at stop 2, The Mount.

Location:The Stag, Orrell Road

Christmas Do Day

2011-12-22T13:51:00.001Z

Afternoon campers.

So the office Christmas Do is something I always look forward to, and this year's was a belter in Warrington. Unfortunately I was on my best behaviour for whatever reason.

I went out with a girl from Ramsbottom way back when and her dad was a self employed plumber and every year would have his own Christmas Do. He'd do a job in the morning then park the van back at their house an walk down to the pub and do what self employed plumbers do best. Drink until he was fluent in Polish.

Now I'm currently trying to convince the Revenue that I'm no longer self-employed but for today I'm going to pander to them and have myself a "self employed Christmas Do".

I'm going to start with some lunch at one end of Orrell Road in Wigan and make my way into town to meet with my friend Shaun for a curry.

The perfect Christmas Do and, like the actual official Christmas do, I'm paying for it myself!

I've got my mp3 player for the walk, my phone so that if people want to join me they can find out where I am, and this beautiful iPad so that I can write my findings not just of the experience of my first Self Employed do but the quality of an Orrell Road pub crawl.

Location:Pemberton Palace

The Hacienda Must Be Built

2011-08-21T17:45:00.001+01:00

I’m currently reading Peter Hook’s fabulous “How Not To Run a Club” which is making the Hacienda sound like the coolest place to be but the most frustrating place to be involved in. It’s a cracking read as well. As much for the appendices as anything, from the original membership application form to set lists of concerts.

From the book (and the club’s end of year newsletter) here’s the 1982 Hacienda Top 20.

Hacienda 1982

Buy the book

Butch and sincere....but what was the year?

2011-08-19T09:35:00.000+01:00

I have many theories about radio. The vast majority of them are wrong and moronic I'm told but every now and again I come up with one that has merit and I believe this to be one of them.

What if we only did Top 10 at 10's if we did them properly? Like how they started. A real Top 10 from this week in a year gone by rather than playing from the pool of the same 15 songs because they're the only ones that "fit the brand".

So, as a little exercise here's the Top 10 from this week in the year that Wish FM is using today. Would this sit well on a music radio station in 2011 or is it just too spikey.....and if so, why?

This is purely a "what if?" exercise...I'm not suggesting that we do it, I'm suggesting it's something to talk about when you don't want to do any actual work.

Hey, why not play along at home m'darling!

10

9

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

Manchester, So Much To Answer For.

2011-08-09T20:54:00.001+01:00

What you’re about to read will not help anyone. It’s not a sensible solution, it’s not the kind of thing that anyone should really condone. It’s just the gut feeling and heartfelt outpourings of a bloke watching a collection of pillocks taking the piss in his hometown.

After a couple of nights rioting in London and kidding myself that it wouldn’t happen in Manchester because, as tweeters across the city have said, we lead – we don’t follow, it seems to have kicked off tonight.

I had a little kip at 3.00 and there were reports of a bit of a police presence in Piccadilly but no bad temper at all, woke up at 7 and Miss Selfridge is on fire, BBC Manchester have had their radio car totalled and there’s widespread looting at Salford Shopping City (although what you can “loot” from 3 branches of Cash Converters I’m not sure).

Listening to Key 103 – who have done well tonight – there’s a bloke from the City centre’s Pub and Club Watch saying that all pubs are closed for the night. No buses or trams entering Manchester tonight either.

The latest is that the crowds are making their way to King Street to see what they can get from the nice shops.

This has particularly rankled me.

Why are they being allowed to run free through Manchester Why are they being given the freedom of the town to kick in whichever shops they like?

I’d love to see these idiots kettled into Piccadilly Gardens and ordinary Mancunians standing behind the police so that instead of watching these ratboys we don’t allow them through into the city.

We should be doing what Manchester does best and just getting on with it so that these cretins don’t feel special. Why the fuck are they being allowed to do it?

I realise that it’s very rich from me sitting here 15 miles away and not facing up and going to protect my beloved home city but like I say, it’s just what’s on the top of my head.

Our Friends In The West

2011-07-26T19:21:00.001+01:00

North West Tonight, the wonderful and humble organ of regional news on BBC1 reported on the fact that Pete Best, “The 5th Beatle” is having a street named after him in Liverpool.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-merseyside-14275755

The new estate in West Derby will also have a street named Casbah Close, after the club that was half a mile away where the Beatles started their career.

You know how much I love our Scouse brethren, only in Liverpool would they name a street after someone who was NEARLY in the biggest band in the world, and a club that was QUITE CLOSE, not on the site, quite close some years ago.

And another thing……how many places in Liverpool did the Beatles start their career? Every street corner from L1 to L12 proclaims itself as “de place where it all started!”

In other Mersey themed news, it’s been a very short 7 months but happy birthday to a man I already consider to be a great friend, East Lancs legend Kev Seed is 25 again tomorrow. Nice one ace!

Favourite moments from the News Of The World

2011-07-09T22:38:00.001+01:00

Thank you for reading

I Want My MTV!

2011-07-08T17:31:00.000+01:00

I’ve been getting to grips with news feeds and what have you on Firefox and in order to get music news about people who seem to be named after dangerous pets I’ve subscribed to MTV News.

When I got rid of Sky about 18 months ago I worked out that it had been a couple of years since I had watched MTV for music, and even then I recorded 120 Minutes at stupid o’clock in the morning to watch when I came in from work.

This was going to be a diatribe tredding a path followed a number of times about how they should drop the “M” but instead of that I got on You Tube and looked up some MTV that I loved.

I grew up watching MTV when it was by far the best channel on Astra and have narrowed down my 5 favourite things about good old MTV.

5. Davina McCall in leather!

Davina was fit. She was funny, she was irreverent, she could hold her own against the wave of testosterone that was whichever Italian happened to be on with her at that time and she was fit!

She also had an amazing rock n roll back story which was eluded to much more on MTV than it ever has been since and this put her alongside the best MTV presenters who also walked the walk.

She also used to wear leather, tight leather, a lot!

4. Post 10pm “Alternative” programming

Most of MTV’s alternative programming was great. Alternative Nation was a breath of fresh air, indie and leftfield music being treated like all the pop that was on during the day. 120 Minutes was the nearest thing to John Peel on the TV and the fact that this was MTV Europe meant that there was literally no way of knowing what was coming up next. Dirty Norwegian techno segueing with a series of on-screen idents (obviously in the infancy of on-screen graphics because you could time them loading the next ident on, it normally took 90 seconds to show the name of the artist, song, MTV strand, MTV show, etc) into Ride.

Then there was the Brothers Grunt, Liquid Television, Ren and Stimpy. TV that looked and felt like creative minds realised you can’t please all of the people all of the time and were actually trying to flex their minds. Superb stuff.

3. European VJ’s

They’d stand in front of a green screen swaying with their arms behind their back, speaking in the pidgen-est of English, starting every sentence with “OK guys”. You know they’re speaking in English, you can make out the words, but the fact that every VJ had their own pattern of speech depending on which part of the continent they were from was brilliant and, personally, fostered feelings of European brotherhood.

The best thing about MTV Europe VJ’s, however, was that for a teenager going through the changes a teenager does, these slightly older girls with funky hair and tight clothes on was mesmerizing. My own personal favourite was Marijne Van Der Vlugt. I’m still a sucker for long brown hair, doe-eyes and faux coyness…….AND she was in a band!

2. Summer holidays, Neighbours has finished, time for Whale and MC Solaar

Before I really understood what tight rotation and playlists were I just thought that Pip Dann and VJ Ingo had amazing music taste which is why Swedish rockers Whale and French rapper MC Solaar would always be on in the afternoon. Could you imagine anyone in charge of any media outlet allowing people to see these videos during the day?

1. Most Wanted with Ray Cokes.

STILL the only TV show I made an effort to watch every single day.

It was like all the radio I loved at the time (and there is no higher compliment). Fun, loads of people involved, crammed with ideas, operating within it’s own boundaries, interactive without pleading for contact, happy to talk nonsense and include in-jokes because if the crew are enjoying it chances are the viewer is too! “Your input is our output”, “Cans of Bis”, “Club Bed” and all presided over by a bloke who was more than happy with the fact that this is all a bit crap which is why people genuinely loved the last great TV presenter Ray Cokes.

Fact : Youth TV viewers love watching blokes who are obviously in their late 30’s pissing about like a top uncle who talks to you like your on his level!

Here he is with Take That….who obviously adore him and will swear like troopers to fit in! (NB : Isn’t Robbie a knob?)

He’s now presenting the Belgian version of “James and Oz Get Smashed” – trufax!

Anyway, back to the plot, there may be no 120 Minutes any more but you can make your own because MTV put stuff on their website that doesn’t quite fit with “16, Pregnant and Spoilt”. Enjoy Little Scream presenting “Lamb”

http://www.mtv.co.uk/artists/little-scream/video/first-take-little-scream

An Apology

2011-06-19T15:48:00.002+01:00

My Auntie Gabrielle is an amazing woman.
She is a mother to two very switched on children, both now grown up and ploughing their own furrow.
She is a nurse, and a bloody good one at that with experience coming out of her ears.
She’s a graduate, with a Masters no less.
However, she is prone to the odd faux-pas and eccentricity. For example she’s got to the age she is convinced that the word “next” is spelt “NEXED” despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Recently she confused X Factor loser Ray Quinn for survival expert Ray Mears and spectacularly during a family holiday in Yugoslavia she had a disagreement with her partner, picked up her handbag and stormed away from the pool…forgetting that she had attached her handbag to the table and took the table and it’s contents halfway through the hotel bar.
For as long as I’ve been interested in music and plying my trade in radio she’s talked about a song called “Marie Celeste” that she remembers from the 1980’s. The whole family have checked websites like everyhit.com and their battered copies of the British Hit Singles to find this haunting melody (and in the 20-odd years she’s sung it back to us it gets more and more haunting and less and less melodic).
I’ve scoured the record libraries of 2 hospital radio stations and 3 large commercial radio groups. I’ve asked bona fide experts if they’ve heard of the song and always drawn a blank.
In all that time we’ve never found any song that sounds remotely like it and it’s become a bit of a joke. A stick to hit her with when she is trying on convince us that she’s right or that she’s more intelligent than she’s cracked on.
Then, last Thursday, I did ANOTHER search for the lyrics. “Marie Celeste, I’m in distress. I’m in a force 9 gale”
It actually came good. Another resident of Cyberspace was searching in vain for “Marie Celeste”. No repliers had ever heard of it….except one.
“I think it was by a Jon vansomething or Eric vonsomething”
Eventually, after clicking on link after link, I found an article about a prominent record collector who sadly died in 2005. It wasn’t known by all of his associates but he used to be a pop star. He called himself Greg Vandike and released a song in 1980 which didn’t chart but did get played on Radio 1 a few times.
Guess what it was called……

So, Gabrielle Green, for not believing you for all these DECADES about the existence of this appalling tat. I apologise wholeheartedly.

5 Things I’m Doing Right Now

2011-06-07T22:06:00.001+01:00

Watching the IT Crowd Series 2 – it’s the dinner party one!

Running the battery down on my kindle

Making a brew

Stroking my new facial hair arrangement

Writing a test page using Live Writer to see if it marries up with the changes I made to the template

If I could, I would!

2011-05-17T20:20:00.001+01:00

Kudos to Anthony from work for finding this gem.

From Italia’s Got Talent : fast forward through the judges taking the mickey to about 3 minutes in to see the greatest performance in reality TV history.

If I could do this, I’d be queuing at the auditions as fast as my legs could carry me!

I’m not a father…

2011-05-17T14:30:00.001+01:00

…or at least not as far as I know….eh, eh! (No, seriously, I’m not and there is no chance on God’s earth that I am)

Anyway, I’m not a parent but Molly Forbes’ blog about being a mother is aces, and you can vote for it here

http://www.the-mads.com/index.htm

Holidaze!

2011-05-17T12:03:00.001+01:00

So then, day 2 of my “holiday” (it’s in inverted commas because I’m not actually going anywhere, just staying in the flat)

The plan was that I’d spend this time getting up to speed on things that I’ve neglected, however so far I’ve watched Jeremy Kyle and fallen asleep on the couch.

Hopefully today will be different with a bit of time set aside for “Twelve Monkeys” which I’ve got from Love Film and still haven’t seen.

Good start so far! Out of bed a whole hour earlier than yesterday…

Testing my True Faith

2011-03-07T10:15:00.000Z

On Friday morning we got word at "The Lodge" that George Michael was releasing a cover version of "True Faith" to raise money for Comic Relief. I must admit to taking the trademark Fatmancunian position of head shaking and mumbling at the revelation.

This morning I heard it.

Gobsmacked.

My first reaction was to wonder whether Comic Relief had gone back to the good old days of Llallaneeneenoonoo and Hale And Pace by releasing a comedy record but, no. It would appear that this is a serious effort.

It's like when you're "tired and emotional" and someone's given you a kiddie's Cyberman helmet to sing through and then slowed right down as if it might have sounded fairly normal once but has been applied to an iron maiden.

It is without doubt the worst, most ill-concieved record I have ever heard. If I was Comic Relief I'm be annoyed beyond belief and demanding action from George Michael's management to remedy this appalling action.

He was in the press today admitting he should have been jailed for the drink-driving conviction he received. Add "murder" to that charge list now.

As for New Order.....who the f**k said this would be OK!?

If you've not heard it yet......you can die happy!

A "Falling Down" Moment

2011-03-06T08:33:00.000Z

Brilliant story about a woman who went postal in a cake shop after being told they didn't have her favourite cake anymore.

My favourite bit of the piece is the desciption the police gave. "A 5'3" well built lady aged between 35-45 with shoulder length strawberry blond hair.." which has to be the politest way of say "big old ginger" in history.

Hang on, let me read that description again....has anyone asked Geri Halliwell where she was when this happened?

Woman goes proper mental in a cake shop

Finally…

2011-01-23T21:28:00.000Z

I bought the netbook in my hands for a reason, and that reason wasn’t to take round to various hotels up and down the country trying to watch iPlayer (although that is a happy biproduct). It was so that I found it easier to blog and would hopefully do more of it.

I’m using Windows Live Writer which all looks fine to me and not at all problematic. Having said that it’s only day 1.

Today I’ve enjoyed saying the wrong station name on air, snoozing in front of the Simpsons and Matthew Rudd’s marvellous 80’s show on Q Radio.

Going to read a bit of Zig Ziglar before sleep. 3.30 dart tomorrow morning, loads to do!

Keeping It Peel

2010-10-27T21:11:00.002+01:00

Monday was "Peel Day", a chance to make a noise about new, local, live music across the country. It's also a chance each year (and quite rightly) to look back at John Peel's life and career.

Like for most people, the great thing about John Peel for me was the vast majority of what was played was appalling noise, but just round the corner was the record that would change your life.

I've just sat down for 10 minutes and noted down the music that comes to mind when I think of listening to John Peel and these are the 10 bands/artists that have stayed with me all these years.

Stereolab - "French Disko"

Man or Astroman? - "Eric Estrotica"

Supergrass - "Caught By The Fuzz"

Ned's Atomic Dustbin - "Kill Your Television"

Pulp - "Razzmatazz"

PJ Harvey - "Sheela-Na-Gig"

Sabres Of Paradise - "Wilmot"

Half Man Half Biscuit - "Bob Wilson Anchorman"

The Wedding Present - "Brassneck"

The Sugarcubes - "Birthday"

No Fall! First heard them on Key 103....seriously!

Clip Shows Ruined My Life....

2010-09-20T20:12:00.001+01:00

....and I'll tell you why.

Earlier today the tune to "With A Little Help From My Friends" jumped into my head. What was the first image that accompanied it?

No, not the Beatles (either in Sgt. Pepper regalia or moptopped).

What's that? Wet Wet Wet from the NME compilation "Sgt. Pepper Knew My Father"?

No. Not them either!

As a direct result of oft-repeated "173 Most Embarrassing Cheekbones" the first image that came to mind when I heard "With A Little Help From My Friends" was Kevin Keegan on Little and Large!!

At this point I would normally embed a YouTube clip, however if I ever see the look of mock incredulity on Eddie Large's face as the Geordie Messiah ruins a classic again I worry my head might explode and I want the deposit from this flat back!

Even now, Large's blue valour tracksuit and crap Mick Jagger impression is threatening my sanity!

....on a similar note, Richard Madeley's Ali G IS utterly embarrassing, but it's better than Sasha Baron Cohen's!

I'm off for a lie down!

There was this dictator, right...

2010-09-14T06:51:00.000+01:00

'Adolf Hitler is begged by his supporters to return to power after they discover he is still alive. After resisting, Hitler says: "I'll come back, but on one condition ... next time I'm going to be evil."'

The comedy stylings of Silvio Burlusconi there.....speaking at a youth rally.

No.

Really!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/sep/13/silvio-berlusconi-hitler-joke

Nightmares

2010-08-25T07:06:00.000+01:00

OK, so what the BLOODY HELL does this mean?

I've been having nightmares on and off now for 6 months but this one was by far the worst.

After going to my brothers' flat in Reading town centre (they don't live together, they certainly don't live in Reading) I was followed home by a tall man with a shock of grey hair, looking not unlike Christopher Lee.

From then on, at regular intervals, I would get notes about how he was going to kill me and make it look like suicide. After the 5th note the secret shadowy department of the police got involved. Note 7 was a grid reference of the location of my planned "suicide". Eventually the man showed himself while we were in Manchester Central Library studying maps with that grid reference. He was exposed as the location was found not to exist and the police unit all left with a swoosh shouting "It's a camera"!

The man was then arrested and his daughter (who looked like Jerry Sadowitz) came round to my flat in London (I don't live in London) crying her eyes out demanding to know where I was going to kill myself before putting her hands around my neck while my brothers looked on, laughing.

I don't know what any of that means, but I'm pretty sure it's not a forecast of a lottery win!

Tweets of the Day

2010-08-24T06:29:00.000+01:00

FOOTBALL TWEETS

@KiranArora Recently I've been playing a lot of FIFA. Basically I sit in an office in Zurich and think of ways to ruin World Cups.
@JustinEagleton Nice to see so many City fans dressed as blue plastic seats....#tumbleweed

RADIO TWEET
@xrrf Kershaw's back: Here's a piece of really good news: Andy Kershaw back on the radio : http://bit.ly/cfTGmV

TWITTER TWEET
@Matthew_Rudd Twitter wants me to follow Amanda Holden. Do I look like Neil bloody Morrissey?

APPALLING TREATMENT OF CHUBBY BRETHREN TWEET
@danwood_uk Be careful how much you eat on holiday. Man barred from returning to the UK for gaining weight http://bit.ly/9X817c

TOP SERVICE STATION SPOT TWEET
@DJChristianOC There is a hearse with coffin the back at Fleet Services! Maybe its what he would have wanted..

WE WILL MAKE YOU PAY FOR BOBBINS SERVICE TWEET
@Thomkirwin New Sky Sports News, Does HD stand for hardly different?

MADE ME LAUGH TWEET
@TonyCowards Got a book from the library called “The History of Hitchhiking”, am thumbing through it. #win100

THE QUEEN OF SOUL THERE...AND GEORGE MICHAEL TWEET
@DarrenLethem Just about to play George and Aretha. Usual gag incoming

DON'T YOU JUST HATE IT TWEET
@havanaclub_soda I hate it when your underwire comes out and stabs you in the chest. I swear my corsetry will be the death of me. #DeathByBra

WHO DO YOU WANT TO FOLLOW FAIL TWEET
@DarrenLethem Just been asked if I would like to follow Chris Moyles. Only if I am driving a steam roller

WISH I WAS AN ACTRESS TWEET
@RealDMitchell "Peep Show" series 7 shoot starts today. I don't want anyone to get over-excited but this morning I think we're filming in a KFC!

How much do I want to pay for being a newsgeek?

2010-08-23T09:59:00.000+01:00

There's a great little interview with Ally Ross from The Sun in today's Media Guardian.

This bit of the article intrigued me..

"He doesn't get the same online feedback/debate/abuse as other papers' TV critics because his reviews – along with the columns of some of the newspaper's other big-name writers – are not on its website. I wanted to find out from the Sun why its best-known columnists are not online, and whether it is testing things out in preparation for an extension of the paywall, but no one at News International wanted to talk to me. Ross himself is remarkably unfussed about missing out on readers by not being online. He started in the industry before online news was popular and he leaves all that kind of thing to other people. "I trust they know what they're doing," he says."

The Guardian like other news outlets have recently seems amazed by the decision by News International to put paywalls up for their online portfolio with the main argument, it seems, being that you're stopping a wider audience from seeing your content.

Maybe I've been around media-based capitalists for too long, but the question that screams out to me is what are outlets like the Guardian and the Telegraph doing NOT charging for their content? Surely we've had things like this for free for too long when we're starting to see access to people hard work as a right rather than a service to be paid for.

This doesn't extend to the BBC because, obviously, we've already paid for that...and maybe that's why the papers continue to give their content away, the fear being that they would lose potential advertisers on both fronts (if the BBC are allowing you to see their brilliant news and sport coverage for free, why would I pay for either the paper or the online version?)

Maybe I'm part of the problem. I'm more than happy for newspapers to place their content behind a paywall but I won't ever consider paying for it online, I'd rather buy a paper.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2010/aug/23/ally-ross-sun-tv-critic

Tweets of the Week

2010-08-23T06:33:00.000+01:00

There are a lot of tweets from VizTopTips.....which I don't apologize for!

@Popjustice Diana Vickers told me last year that The X Factor reminded her of being nervous so much that the theme made her want a poo.

@ VizTopTips DRIVERS. When you see those 'accident blackspot' signs you should speed up. You don't want to hang about in dangerous places. @leslie1976

@VizTopTips COUNCILS. Save money on safety equipment by shaving off workmen's body hair and painting them with permanent luminous paint. /via @HolyMole

@markaustinitv Just heard on radio female student who got two C's and D instead of three A's. "well,I might go into journalism then".

@VizTopTips SCHOOLS: avoid the annual controversy over whether exams are getting easier by using the same exam questions every year. @acatcalledfrank

@holymoly The first guy singing needs to have an awkward conversation with his wife quite soon.

@Scroobiuspipyo Id love to have seen the "We Buy Any Car" people go on Dragons Den with that sentence as their whole business plan.

@VizTopTips AVOID confusion by simply understanding everything all of the time. /via @srafferty73

@VizTopTips SINGLE PEOPLE. Phrase "plenty more fish in the sea" is no longer true. Stocks are dwindling. Marry your partner now. /via @GadgetJase

@alexthedarklord Today you are slightly more like your parents than you were yesterday. Check yourself out and report in.

@SarahMillican75 I just ate my emergency Mars Bar out of the car and I'm not even ashamed.

@tvBite Nice to see Denis Leary finally doing something that he's not copied from Bill Hicks - reaching his 53rd birthday.

@VizTopTips WHEN using a 'pay as you go' public toilet, offset your financial loss by stealing the bog roll. /via @TheMoodyMann.

@MrsRupertPupkin Found a 1998 "To Do" list. Still need to "Follow my dreams." Can cross off "Tape Frasier."

@JustinEagleton Terry Hall is a ledge!!!

@VizTopTips INSOMNIACS: use those bonus nighttime hours to think about your problems and fears. /via @paulfoneill

@stephencgrant 'Pas de probleme', 'de rien', and 'avec plaisir' are the sisters of merci.

@paul_a_smith While you're at it, if you're still calling yourself a social media guru, evangelist, wizard or anything else, punch yourself in the balls.

@gaylerealradio People who wear 'fun' clothes are no fun. Just met a very miserable man in a bow tie.

@ConorMcNicholas I saw two shooting stars last night, I wished on them but they were only satellites. It's wrong to wish on space hardware...

@leeboardman I can't handle Greg Wallace when he puts food in his mouth. He kind of sexually assaults it with his face. FORK IT! #masterchef

@VizTopTips HEAVY METAL FANS. Turn your sister's Girls Aloud poster into a Def Leppard one by simply drawing moustaches on the girls. @DrDoneLittle.

@VizTopTips HALIFAX: Improve your PR by manning the cashier booths instead of pretending you're a radio station. /via @calmdownkidder

@VizLetterBocks RT @jordmiller: I once asked Tiger Woods about golf carts and he went off on one.

@caitlinmoran Attention: @TimWestwood has been offered Dancing On Ice, and wonders if he should do it. We must all tell him: YES.

@VizTopTips FIND a needle in a haystack by burning the haystack to the ground and then metal detectoring the ashes. Simple. /via @Sheardyj

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

2010-08-17T12:40:00.002+01:00

On my Google Reader, I had all the entries from the AMAZING "Man In the Morning" blog from a couple of years ago. I was just reading them and wanted to do so in order so I changed the view from "Newest" to "Oldest" and LOST THE LOT!!!

AAAAARGH!!!

Does anyone know who Zak De Luxe was?

I Love Lamebook part 1

2010-08-17T12:15:00.002+01:00

http://www.lamebook.com/

Made me guffaw!!!

Get Off My Feed Mother----er!!

2010-08-16T12:17:00.000+01:00

So Axl Rose had his Twitter feed hacked did he?

If you've not been following this, @axlrose was updated over the weekend to say that GnR's roster of shows had been cancelled with immediate effect. Cue gnashing of teeth from the older Reading and Leeds ticketholders about the fact that the reason they paid £150+ had, once again, let them down.

See, he's got form for this. Shows cancelled all over the place. On the few occasions he had deigned to turn up it was normally late and they would go off at curfew time making for a total performance time of 30odd minutes.

Which is why when the "announcement" was made, few eyebrows were raised. The subsequent tweet suggesting that W. Axl had been hacked was more surprising.

It would not surprise me if he did actually post the offending tweet only for the record company to go begging for him to reconsider.

So it seems Reading and Leeds will get their dose of GnFnR....

...I wouldn't put your house on it though.

Favourite Tweets - 12th August

2010-08-12T13:23:00.000+01:00

@TheCowlicker Grammer is important : Capitalisation is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse & helping your uncle jack off a horse

@MJMcKean I say parole Mark David Chapman; but every Beatle fan in the world gets to kick him in the groin. He can take us alphabetically

@GriffoRadio Didn't Fabio Capello start his career as game show host Guy Smiley on Sesame Street? He wears glasses now of course http://twitpic.com/2droyo

@iainlee Reading a biography of de Niro that King of Comedy isn't very good! Bullshit. It's one of his best films.

@anniemacdj There is no sensation I detest more than walking face first through a cobweb

@EamonnHolmes Beckham - it's hardly a surprise it's over for him and England - but it just shows how bad bosses are in dealing with the workforce!

@stephenfry It's official. iPhoners get more sex than BB or Android users. http://bit.ly/aR959i Who could have doubted it?

@GrahamBandage @thesimonevans The Welsh Daily Post (I believe) headlined a story about the abolition of certain local authorities "Last Quango In Powys"

@the63336 Question reveived ay 12.03pm : Can cross eyed people drive?

@watsoncomedian I'm sure other Bristol City fans will join me in thanking Steve Coppell for just over ten minutes of loyal, devoted service to the club

@the63336 Question received : If I put sweetcorn in the microwave will I make popcorn?

@RadioWatcher Autism Radio UK prepares to launch http://bit.ly/czxDaC
- I'm certain there's a joke there but I can't put my finger on it!

Rule 1

2010-08-05T17:24:00.000+01:00

Must update blog daily!
Wise words from an old hand!

Independence Day Thought

2010-07-04T23:51:00.001+01:00

"11 - people killed in accident on oil rig leased by British company BP, resulting in four presidential visits, a $1.6bn clean-up and the establishment of $20bn compensation fund in two months.

15,000+ - people killed in accident at Bhopal plant owned by American company Union Carbide, resulting in 0 presidential visits, no clean-up and $470m compensation in 25 years"

"Number Crunching", Private Eye 1265, June 2010, p5

Location:In bed, Swindon

Very Last Of The Summer Wine

2010-06-02T15:44:00.000+01:00

So the BBC have announced that the new series of Last Of The Summer Wine will indeed be the last.

Hands up if you realised that it was still going. I thought it finished years ago and that the last 11 years were all repeats. I for one can't see stone walls without imagining an old man in a bath whizzing past.

Pub Quiz Question : What was Compo's real name? William Simmonite.

What will Holmfirth do now? Will it have to close down? Why they have to merge with nearby Netherthong?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/comedy/2010/06/the-last-of-the-summer-wine.shtml

Greenie's April 21st

2010-04-21T11:06:00.000+01:00

Unbelievably I'm mad busy today doing housekeeping stuff at work!

Will blog later on...promise!

Keeping it up!

2010-04-20T13:00:00.001+01:00

Unbelievably, I've managed to keep up the blog I started for the show.

2 days out of 2.

http://www.areyougreenie.co.uk/

Inspirational Staircarpets

2010-04-14T07:55:00.000+01:00

Inspired by Beard's Video of the Day, here are my favourite 5 Inspiral tunes

1. I Want You (featuring Mark E Smith)

2. Joe

3. This Is How It Feels

4. Saturn 5

5. She Comes In The Fall

Random Rants - Friday 26th March

2010-03-26T07:26:00.009Z

9.48 - simply because Ben Folds is a genius!

8.13 - Finally watched "Being John Malkovitch" last night. Utterly brilliant!

8.10 - Best line from the Heart Breakfast Friday song - "Jordan is writing a new book her publisher said. That means it will be autobiography 3, she's written more books than she's read!"

8.00 - This is briliant! http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=1229243

7.46 - We're talking on the show about the fact that a new survey has revealed that men are happy to admit that they cry quite often, at the cinema, even as guests at weddings. Jez can't remember the last time he cried. For me it was after seeing Hayley (my best friend and ex) after the operation she had recently. I always cry at films. Always. It's embarrassing!
Roo cries at the Dog Homes adverts on the telly. Oh dear!

7.21 - I'm following someone who is keeping track of their weight loss and he's publishing today that he's put on 500g. I was about to ask if there was any point but I make that about a pound? It's not good to be that precise on a daily basis is it? Surely that only serves to discourage you? I'm probably wrong.

6.57 - It appears that Christian O'Connell is doing a competition whereby the first 100 vans to the studio get free DAB radios. Brilliant if you're a van driving Absolute listener in Glasgow! (Twitter)

Ashley Cole blames split on....

2010-02-25T10:58:00.000Z

...Cheryl's career (Daily Mirror)
http://www.3am.co.uk/cheryl-coles-x-factor-and-girls-aloud-commitments-made-ashley-cheat-apparently-/21247/

...Cheryl's mum (Daily Star/The Sun)
http://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/view/123755/ASH-I-BLAME-CHERYL-S-MUM/

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2868032/Ashley-Cole-blames-Cheryls-mum-for-marriage-split.html

....his inability to keep his cock in his pants. (Erm....ah...)

Linkdump - 12th February

2010-02-12T07:17:00.002Z

The Windermere Triangle - http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/this-britain/can-anyone-unlock-the-mystery-of-the-windermere-triangle-1897148.html

It all makes sense....

2010-01-03T08:25:00.003Z

There are times when I feel lost. When things run away from me and when nothing makes sense. These times are occuring more and more as time goes on and a lot of the time it's not my fault.

It's nice after feeling like you're being lost that someone comes along and crystallizes your thinking, not exactly a kindred spirit but some affirmation that you are right. Things are not how they really should be.

XFM's Marsha Shandur does a fabulous series of podcasts interviewing comedians, the latest of which is an interview with the amazing Stewart Lee. His views on comedy are, for my money, spot on. His attitude to his career and his "art" is refreshing and it's well worth downloading. By the way, as an aside, the podcasts themselves give me a bit more faith in my profession. The podcasts are fabulous and exactly the kind of thing XFM should be doing and are an arm of broadcasting that Global Radio should be proud of....I doubt they are. I doubt they know it's happening, if they did it would either be charged for or not happen at all because of the paranoia about "brand values" and all that palaver.

Also worth downloading is Danny Baker's Radio 5 Live interview with Elton John whose opinions on music and television are, again, utterly refreshing and affirming. The big difference with this interview, and the reason why it's so refreshing, is because Danny Baker is interested in what HE wants to find out from Elton. Not interested in getting a soundbite or an Elton bitchy moment or a Tantrums and Tiaras moment. It's nice to hear Elton John addressed as a normal, music-loving friend.

I love the fact that from both these interviews I get the message that it's not all about money and profile. Sometimes it's about the process of doing it and enjoying it and respecting those who do it too.

Timbaland - Pet Detective

2010-01-03T06:50:00.005Z

So I'm hideously out of touch with music at the minute and so I'm forcing myself to listen to every song in the Top 100. Only songs that I don't already know, obviously. So far 3OH!3 and Katy Perry and Chipmunk have failed to impress.

Then there's the new Timbaland tune with SoShy and, surprise surprise, Nelly Furtado whose transformation to glamour-puss from smelly hippy is surely now complete (she looks particularly fit in the video).

Right, the song is brilliant. It's one of those songs that I have had to listen to three or four times in a row because it's stuck in my head, the bloke is undoubtedly one of the best in the business. However....is he turning into Jim Carrey?

I just ask because after seeing the video he seems to be gurning an awful lot. I'm not sure if he's meaning to do it or he's the victim some kind of uncomfortable multiple twitch disease. Don't get me wrong it's very entertaining and at a level of comedy posturing you just wouldn't expect from one of urban music's big names.

N-Dubz to come. I'm not looking forward to that... think I'll listen to Timbaland once more just to cushion the blow.

>>Also, right now I'm playing Primal Scream's "Sometimes I Feel So Lonely". I feel uncomfortable when Bobby Gillespie tries singing properly. It doesn't seem quite right. Like when someone who is so pissed they're sleepy gets on the karaoke!

Rip It Up And Start Again?

2009-11-18T06:42:00.002Z

The MEN is reporting that the council have brought in some consultants to work out what to do with Moston Lane now it's a decrepit shadow of it's former self.

The councillors themselves have pointed to the ready availability of booze as one of the major factors decrying the fact that it has 22 licensed premises including off-licences within 400 yards of each other, one of them even calls the Lane "Alcohol Alley".

There must be someone to blame for this proliferation of boozeholes on this one-mile stretch. If only we knew who granted the licences for all of these shops to sell Kestral Super Strength at £1.49 for 8? Bugger me! It's the council, isn't it!

So what is the big idea from Manchester City Council to get Moston off it's knees? Bring in a consultant! If it doesn't work out, we can blame someone else!!! A ridiculous state of affairs.

This time of year I think about Christmas Eve walking down The Lane with my mum getting all the stuff we need for Christmas, queuing up past the Post Office for muffins and potted meat from Haworth's, cooked meat from the butchers...and another queue, Wallman's for everything else...yep another queue but that wasn't too bad because I was writing rude words on all the magic screens at the toy shelf at the back of the shop.

Shame

http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/s/1182650_mostons_alcohol_alley_set_for_new_lease_of_life

Things We Need vs Things We Don't

2009-10-20T06:42:00.002+01:00

Things that we, as a people, a society and a civilisation, need :

1. A cure for Cancer
2. A sustainable source of energy
3. A truly universal belief system
4. Enough food and crops to make sure that no one person goes hungry
5. A system that will allow the highest standard of education is available to every child no matter of their circumstances

Things that we, as a people, a society and a civilisation, DON'T need :

1. A new single from Michael Fucking Buble!

No! Your server is not a waiter or waitress!

2009-10-15T13:56:00.002+01:00

You Tube Goodies : October 15th

The pretty bloody good Jay on Channel 4 Dubai featured this today. Utterly brilliant.

...which led me to this gem.....

Bizarre Conversations At Work #1

2009-10-15T07:35:00.002+01:00

Jez : Wouldn't it be a pain if your pubes fell out every autumn instead of the leaves?

I suppose it would! Your car and bed would be full of them, they'd be under everyone's desk at work, the buses and trains would be a nightmare of short and curlies!

Worth thinking about!

Last night was the very very worst..

2009-10-06T05:58:00.002+01:00

I can report right here that last night I had the very, very worst night's sleep.

I slept in fits of 20 minutes before waking up with a start, convinced I was late. One one occasion I woke up at 4.20 furious with myself because I only had 10 minutes to get to my job in Newbury. Only when I was sprinting down the stairs did I realise that I only work in Newbury on a Sunday morning and this was, in fact, Tuesday.

Right now, I need to run about and keep busy otherwise I will be asleep within seconds! Ridiculous!

It was 40 years ago today...

2009-10-05T06:23:00.004+01:00

....and finally....

FatMancunian FM - Shuffle (30Sept09)

2009-09-30T14:36:00.002+01:00

At work we have a PA system through which we can play out either Heart or Gold. Today Shaun (who is the station's producer) chose to play Gold on it, Charlotte (who is the news editor) had a little paddy about it and so, maturely and sensibly, turned it all off!

....so I fired up Spotify and took out my headphones and FatMancunian FM was born.

Here's a random selection of what we heard....and what would happen on air if, God forbid, I was ever allowed to programme a radio station.

1. Wild Wild Life - Talking Heads
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXnOu0ZSwFk

2. Don't Let Me Down, Gently - The Wonder Stuff
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iunQM3yJgqY

3. Big New Prinz - The Fall (Live on "The Other Side Of Midnight" - Granada TV)

4. Feeling Numb - The Fall

5. Generation Sex - Divine Comedy

6. One Step Beyond - Madness

7. Steppin' Out - Joe Jackson

8. Transmission - Joy Division ("Something Else" - BBCtv)

9. Lost in Music - The Fall

10. Slow Life - Super Furry Animals

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFVejzIBL-E

The Playlist : http://open.spotify.com/user/fatmancunian/playlist/6LMnZM6Eu4dc07Mv04pvGf

Hurrah!!

2009-09-21T06:01:00.000+01:00

Many Happy Returns : September 16

2009-09-16T07:01:00.003+01:00

Happy Birthday....

....Kyla Pratt, you defied your father in the film Dr. Doolittle to talk to the animals. You're 23! Bloody hell, Raven from That's So Raven must be in her 40's now!...

....Madelina Zima, you punched David Duchovny in the face during sex in Californication making a smash in the mush actually quite sexy, well done you....

....Katie Melua, you talented Georgian wunderkind you. Nice songs, nice guitar strumming, man's chin...

....Fanny, you're a French singer whose last hit was <> in 1997. I've never heard of you but your name made me laugh....

....Tina Barrett, you made up the numbers in S Club 7....

....Justine Frischmann, you were the first reason I found to hate Damon Albarn in the 90's - I've found many more reasons since. Elastica's first album was brilliant but the BBC Three architecture programme was nonsense...

...Richard Marx, Hazard made me want to puke, as did Dance With My Father but you seem nice enough....

....Danny John-Jules, of all the former sci-fi comedians who threaten bin men with Samurai swords you are my favourite. Nice one for Maid Marian and her Merry Men as well...

....Jennifer Tilly, as good as you were in Liar Liar my favourite film of yours is Bound, make your own conclusions....

....David Copperfield, you're the American magician not the 80's comedian....

....Janet Ellis, kudos for introducing the notion of smuggling peanuts to a generation....

....Mickey Rourke, brilliant in The Wrestler, somehow I think your face is younger than the rest of you....

....Loyd Grossman, LOVE your pasta sauce range. Smokey Bacon is my favourite at the moment....

....Russ Abbot, I hope tonight's party has a happy atmosphere....

....Breyten Breytenbach, painter who was name checked as a nice South African in Spitting Image's best song....

....Lauren Bacall, legend whose real name is Betty....

Do I qualify?

2009-07-22T09:55:00.002+01:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/8162389.stm

Manchester City Council are meeting today to discuss whether the council should give every household in God's own city £50 to help during the recession.

A great idea, and if I still lived there I'd use that money to help support local businesses....
...Joseph Holt's.....Martin's Bakery etc...

Surely The Easiest Thing In The World

2009-07-21T09:58:00.002+01:00

Chris Brown has annoyed me greatly!

He's all over the entertainment press this morning for making a public apology about hitting Rihanna back in February. Since then most radio in the UK has stopped playing his records (no great shame there) and he's been seen, rightly so, as a bit of a thug!

Today, he's full of remorse. My favourite nugget is "as I sit here today, I can tell you that I will do everything in my power to make sure that it never happens again. "

Surely it's the easiest thing in the world to stop yourself from striking someone you love? I doubt I'm superhuman but I've managed 33 years without battering someone important in my life. I've even managed to avoid pounding somebody I dislike to a pulp.

Ashes Update

2009-07-20T12:37:00.001+01:00

YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

Watch it while you can

2009-06-17T12:02:00.001+01:00

I love this, so should you!

Watch it now before YouTube realise it's there

A Short Note About Karma

2009-06-08T06:21:00.005+01:00

This weekend I started to believe in karma. You know what karma is. The belief that no deed, good or bad, goes unrewarded nor unpunished.

I went paintballing for my friend's stag weekend at the Mapledurham Estate in Berkshire. As I was travelling straight from my second job in Newbury I was there well before anyone else and so parked up in an empty car park.

After 30 minutes of trying to get a quick kip a carload of Russian gentlemen pulled up beside me. As the driver got out he SLAMMED his door into my car. My little Corsa was subject to bullying of the very highest order! Not so much as a glance from Sergei, no "sorry", no remorse on his face, not even a look from him.

What made it worse was that he came back having forgotten something and DID IT AGAIN....TWICE!!!!!!!

So his card was marked. I made a mental note of him and promised myself that if I were to give anyone the PJ and Duncan treatment it would be him!

Unfortunately, as we kitted up and were allocated colours for our teams I found that my Russian friend was going to be on my team. Gutted. I can't shoot someone who's on my side! I may be many things but I'm not an American!

So we went to the first game. Sergei and his mates were taking things extremely seriously. These boys had seen Rambo and were going to play it out on a wet Saturday afternoon in the middle of nowhere.

The first game involved a fort with a flag. One team stayed in the fort and guarded it from the other team who were tasked to run down the hill and raise the said flag.

I gingerly mooched around the trees which were all too small and thin to disguise me and got shot a number of times.

On my right however were my Corsa-battering somersaulting Russian friends. The driver of the car which inflicted the damage to Kaye the Corsa (not my name for it, the-former-Mrs.-Green's - men do NOT name their cars) was performing a particularly amazing roll towards the target, shot up and dived for one of the screens with a little hole to poke your gun through, like they have on Gladiators.

Unfortunately he slipped......

.....went flying.....

....and dislocated his shoulder!

He was out of action. His mates didn't want to leave him because, as much as anything, he was their lift home and so they left the arena and made for the Royal Berkshire.

Karma!

Hit my car, deal with the consequences!

This is my paintball injury from the weekend!

Love-In Your Work

2009-06-03T09:16:00.002+01:00

Every now and again people in middle management speak to their bosses and their bosses will slip into the conversation the name or names of some dull-witted management training guru they've heard about recently and then the worst thing imaginable happens.

Those middle management types, because they have no imagination nor ideas of their own and want to cosy up to the upper eschelons, then read the books of the aforementioned guru and instigate the ridiculous practices they've been told to adopt on their own staff.

Today is one of those days when my colleagues and I get the sharp end of this practice as we embark on "The Love-In".

The idea behind it is that over the last week or so we've been compiling our own list of things about each other that we really like and we will present these lists later today.

So how does that improve the show then I hear you cry? Well.......I don't know!

The idea I guess is that if we know what each other likes about us we can do those things more often thereby creating a better atmosphere on the air.

As we all know when you hear something for the first time (like an ABBA song) you quite like it but after hearing it 30 times in 2 days it gets boring so surely if we take all that to heart the things that endered one to another will, with more and more exposure to it, become the attributes that you find annoying?

I'm all for being positive but when it's being enforced I can't help but rail against it.

I hope one of the team find that an endearing quality......otherwise I'm f**ked!

Unblievable!

2009-05-12T14:24:00.001+01:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8045414.stm

Favourite Songs From The 90's : Random Choice

2009-05-07T10:04:00.001+01:00

Salad - Diminished Clothes - 1995

MTV VJ Marijne van der Vlugt. Oh my God did I fancy this woman!

Begin Again

2009-05-03T06:59:00.003+01:00

Can I recommend "Fat Bloke Slims" by Bruce Byron?
I've decided to take the old Weigh In Wednesday seriously, finally, and try losing some weight. With that in mind I went to find some healthy cookery books for single men who live on their own and, surprise surprise, bugger all there but this book caught my eye.
The author is an actor (he plays DC Terry Perkins in The Bill apparently) who noticed he was a mere 3 stone overweight and decided to do something about it.
It's full of the same advice I've read a thousand times before but, refreshingly, didn't promise to make you slim. He makes it obvious that the first thing you need to do is make the decision, properly to sort yourself out and keep that in mind whenever a food or drink choice comes your way.
It's not a manual for success, it's just him telling you what he's done and why. I did find it inspiring. I realise it's only week one but I've started to do at least an hour of exercise a day and already feel great. I've decided not to have any take away at all this week, eating out is probably not on the cards anyway because of having to save a bit of cash so that's helped!
I don't know if I've lost any weight this week but I feel a lot better already.
That said, I am going to treat myself to a McDonald's breakfast this morning (and work it off later) and tomorrow being my birthday I'm planning a few scoops so we'll see. It might be undoing some good work but I'm putting new habits into place and what with only having one birthday a year the Monday drink-fest is hardly likely to become habit.....wouldn't have thought so anyway!

I'm Not Perving!

2009-04-16T18:36:00.000+01:00

I'm waiting for Hayley to try on what she wants at Calvin Klein in the
Swindon Outlet Village. Don't know if I feel more of a pervert hanging
about for her inside the store or loitering outside staring in!

Sent from my iPhone

What happens when you question a psychic?

2009-03-26T06:49:00.000Z

Apparently this guy's integrity was questioned by the show's host and all hel broke loose.

My favourite part is when he calmly sits back down!

This is Heart

2009-03-23T12:30:00.001Z

More music variety!

Fat Mancunian's Z-A of the 90's #6

2009-03-19T12:16:00.001Z

Live on later with Jools Holland (cheers PRS/YouTube)...

..."You're Gorgeous" - Babybird

Just a test

2009-03-18T11:59:00.002Z

Just trying mobile blogging for the first time! This is my desk!

FatMancunian's Z-A of the 90's - #5

2009-03-18T11:39:00.001Z

Live on Top Of The Pops (with the dulcit tones of one Mark Franklin) it's....
Saint Etienne - "You're in A Bad Way" (1993)

Radio 1's One Big Weekend is in....

2009-03-17T12:31:00.000Z

...Swindon!

Arse!

FatMancunian's Z-A of 90's Music - #4

2009-03-17T12:30:00.000Z

..is Olive - "You're Not Alone"

Fat Mancunian's Z-A of the 90's - #3

2009-03-16T10:20:00.001Z

The first appearence of MANY for Mr. Steven Patrick Morrissey of Stretford.
"You're The One For me Fatty"

BBC Kilimanjaro preparations

2009-03-16T07:15:00.000Z

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/africa/how-do-you-get-nine-celebrities-up-kilimanjaro-with-difficulty-1643962.html

FatMancunian's Z-A of the 90's : #2

2009-03-13T09:04:00.001Z

...Skid Row - "Youth Gone Wild" (1991)
Live at Wembley Stadium, supporting Guns N Roses

Fat Mancunian's Z-A of the 90's : #1

2009-03-12T08:50:00.003Z

An occasional series of my favourite tunes form the 90's in reverse alphabetical order...for no good reason!

Enjoy...

#1 You've Got it Bad : OCEAN COLOUR SCENE

My mother's heart and soul...

2009-02-24T11:29:00.000Z

I used to love this show..and the books.

Noel's House Rally

2009-02-09T12:19:00.001Z

Hilarious this. How the hell does Cheggers et. al. keep a straight face!

fatmancunian...

2009-02-09T07:39:00.001Z

...wisely decided against the whole 25 random things.

BAFTA's and that

2009-02-09T07:19:00.003Z

Only saw the last half hour, waiting for Match Of The Day 2 and didn't want to see people pricking about on snow.
Wossy seemed on form, chuffed that Slumdog Millionaire cleaned up, Kate winslet really really does it for me, all spoiled by the fact that Terry Gilliam's speech was so obviously cut to smithereens that the BBC should be ashamed of themselves, after they f**ked up the tribute beforehand. Arguably the most talented person in the room cut short for no apparent reason. They weren't running late were they?

fatmancunian is...

2009-02-04T11:02:00.000Z

..really quite bored! To the point where I may do that 25 random things about yourself!

Best photo of 2009 so far

2009-01-23T06:42:00.003Z

From the New York Times.

I imagine the Obama's and Clinton's singing "Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead" under their breaths!

Tommy Sheridan

2009-01-12T09:05:00.002Z

According to Digital Spy, Tommy's wife was dead against him going into the house mainly because she doesn't think he stands a chance of winning.

Speaking to the Daily Record she said "He has already said he is anti-royalist, he's Scottish and socialist, so there is no way the English will vote for him."

Bloody hell I would! Never mind Big Brother, get him into Number 10!

Get Away!

2009-01-12T08:16:00.003Z

Things I've learned today :

The Late Dave Dee was a cadet at the Wiltshire Constabulary and was the first on the scene at the crash that killed Eddie Cochran!

Reading was used as the capital for a while during the civil war!

R. Kelly divorces wife of 11 years

2009-01-09T15:04:00.002Z

....which is how long they've been married, not her age...

....refreshingly!

http://www.nme.com/news/r-kelly/41966

Ross and Brand

2008-11-03T09:21:00.001Z

Just getting back to work now and catching up on what I've missed.

The whole Russell Brand and Johnathan Ross thing.

Childish - yes. Good entertaining radio - undecided. Worth 3 people losing their jobs over including the woman who made the radio station the biggest in the country - hardly.

6 Fascinating Facts

2008-11-03T09:06:00.002Z

Matthew Rudd's tagged me in his blog for this entry which means I've got to give 6 fascinating facts about myself.

1. I was one of the radio friends who auditioned (unsuccessfully) for Telly Addicts with Matthew.

2. I met Ray Charles

3. If it wasn't for Viking FM saying yes to my demo tape, I would now be a Catholic priest.

4. When I take tea, I like it to be so milky it practcally moo's

5. I fancy Dawn French and Suranne Jones in equal measure.

6. I've just climbed 2/3rds of Mount Kilimanjaro...yes...yes I have!!!

I don't know 6 more people to nominate!

DJ's encourage drinking

2008-09-05T08:05:00.002+01:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7598288.stm

Yep, Britain's binge drinking culture is all down to the radio.

In a new survey carried out by the University of Sensibleness they found that DJ's, especially Chris Moyles, are guilty of glamourising getting boozed-up.

To be fair though, it is fucking ace!!!!!

It Wouldn't happen here #2

2008-08-26T09:40:00.003+01:00

In order to help Canada's ailing film industry, the Canadian government give the green-light to "Northern Peaks", a porn channel.

Only on the proviso that 50% of "five-knuckle features" are made in Canada thereby creating a porn industry in the country.

What's all that aboot?

http://www.canada.com/calgaryherald/news/story.html?id=0903ec66-9dcd-4c49-ad2e-3eeaa0c2bb40

It Wouldn't Happen Here #1

2008-08-26T09:33:00.001+01:00

It was the funeral of the former leader of Zambia over the weekend.
His biggest political rival turned up....
...so the widow chased him out!

http://africa.reuters.com/top/news/usnBAN626350.html

Caught Out!

2008-07-26T00:53:00.003+01:00

Just been listening to the fabulous Dosecast from Hirsty, Danny and JoJo (http://www.galaxyyorkshire.co.uk/) and they're talking about a couple of lesbians getting caught "at it" in Hebden Bridge. Now as every right thinking man in the world knows, lesbians are great! They rule! I agree with Danny on the subject and when I assume my place as President of the New UK after the revolution, lesbians will recieve tax breaks.

Anyway, they did a phone-in on times you've been caught and it reminded me of a time I was very nearly caught out!

It was with my ex who lived in the country. She'd been away on holiday and so I went up to see her at her parents' house. After a spot of tea we went for a walk in the fields round the back of the village. One thing led to another and a bit of au-naturel was sampled!

So we went back to the house, she went upsatair to sort herself out before giving me a lift home and I went into the front room to chat to her dad. After a few minutes I got up to make a brew but noticed there was a new little mark on their nice white leather sofa. A little investigation revealed what the mark was. There was a lump of sheep shit in my hair...which had rubbed on the sofa.

A bit of cheeky cleaning with the elbow sorted it out and I don't think the parents were ever any the wiser....unless of course they're reading this...in which case it was all her fault!

Ramsey's Bovine Nightmares

2008-07-16T06:31:00.002+01:00

Watched "The F Word" yesterday.

There was a scene where the calves that Janet Street-Porter had been raising were sent to the slaughterhouse. It's a family-run business and all that touchy-feely crap!

Anyway, JSP asked the question that any caring farmer would, "How will they be killed?"

The reply was that they would be killed in the most humane way possible. "We'll shoot him with a stun gun and then slit his throat while he's stunned allowing the blood to drain from the carcass."

Not overly humane really is it. I can't imagine that if euthanasia were ever legalised there would be too many people asking that their loved ones were stunned and then had their throats slit!

Let's never forget though, the main message of the exercise. Veal is tasty!

Yaaaaawn!!!

2008-07-13T01:29:00.002+01:00

Christ I'm tired!
Hardly any sleep (none) on Friday meant it was a struugle to get through the weekend job.
I got home at 4.45am, straight to bed, straight to sleep. 13 hours later, I woke up, watched the remaining 4 episodes of Arrested Development I had borrowed from LoveFilm.ccom and fell back to sleep.
Woke up, packed for the gym, realised that the gym was closed because I'd slept so much, called H and came to work.

Sleepy again now!

By the way, is it just me or does anyone else find ProPlus utterly useless? Are you supposed to have them with a triple espresso for them to work?

Rufus Hound - an update

2008-06-29T03:15:00.003+01:00

When this blog began some time ago I was quite rude about comedian and TV presenter Rufus Hound.

Having seen him on this year's Glastonbury coverage, and watching him clearly share my love for Guy Garvey when gushingly interviewing him, I think I was a big harsh. (..and wasn't Edith Bowman's introduction interesting!)

Elbow, by the way, were the best thing at Glastonbury so far (from what I've seen on BBC3 anyway.

Ting Tings second and Manu Chao a close third!

Weigh in

2008-06-28T23:53:00.001+01:00

Last weigh in was June 11th and I was 22 stone 7 pounds.

17 days later.....

.......21 stone 8 pounds!!

1 pound off a stone in 2 and a half weeks. GET IN!!!!

Only another 5 to go!!!

BBC Sport - Sign him up!!

2008-06-28T23:51:00.000+01:00

Beard sent me this...

Tobias Funke

2008-06-24T09:46:00.001+01:00

I watched this episode last night and had to stop the machine because I was laughing so much!

Never Not Funny....

2008-06-23T10:46:00.001+01:00

Brilliant!

George Carlin

2008-06-23T10:29:00.001+01:00

You may have known him as the guy from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

Not around anymore, yet Jim Davidson lives! Work that out!

22 Stone 7 Pounds

2008-06-11T06:38:00.002+01:00

That's the starting weight.
I need to get down to 16 stone, really.
In preparation for the trip to Killimanjaro I've had the first bout of injections needed so for the next ten years I am officially resistant to Yellow Fever and something else. I get 2 more next week.
The plan today is to do an hour down the gym...but it will be sunny...and I will be tired...ho hum!

Heather Mills

2008-03-17T13:39:00.001Z

Wanted £125million, only got £23.5 and so now comes the appeal.
The poor lamb!

What an utter c**t!

Improve your record collection immediately!

2008-03-14T08:42:00.003Z

BUY THIS!!!

It's amazing!!

Inspirational Stuff

2008-03-14T08:28:00.002Z

I found a calendar in work. One of those freebies that companies give you, and it has a number of inspirational quotes on there.

It starts off well but loses it when we get to April.

January - Charles Darwin from "The Origin Of The Species" - It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change"

February - former US President who wasn't a nutter Franklin D Roosevelt - When you come to the end of your rope...tie a knot and hang on"

March - all round good egg Ghandi - He that would have the fruit must climb the tree.

...and here's where it loses it...

April - CELINE DION!!!!

I read no further!

Man U 4 Arse 0

2008-02-16T23:51:00.002Z

A powerhouse performance by our 2nd XI!
No Scousers at Wembley!
All I need is the lottery win and I'm sorted!

Britney's Dad : The Truth?

2008-01-05T01:43:00.000Z

The showbiz bitchy blogs are full of Britney rubbernecking. It's all obviously a bit sad and hopefully the turning point for the poor love.

However, looking at this picture of her dad arriving at the hospital to see her from Popsugar..

http://popsugar.com/gallery/202124/?page=0,3,0&show=large

Isn't that Paul Heaton?

Here come the Resolutions!

2008-01-02T08:43:00.002Z

1. Get fitter - I put on 8 pounds over Christmas. Even for me that's some going. Plus, I've been invited up to Loch Ness later in the year to do a charity event for my cousin and I don't want to keel over while doing it. Off to the gym after work. No, honestly! Stop looking at me like that!

2. Money! - this year is already pretty much devoted to sorting my dire finances out. Once I've moved over (hopefully within the next two weeks) it should be a little easier!

3. Just do it! - Carried over from last year because it seemed to work when I remembered to do it. No over-thinking, if it feels right, do it!

4. Try not to get pregnant! - There's got to be one I can definately keep!

Ken Dodd...

2008-01-02T08:43:00.001Z

...seems to be on the mend..and thank God. I was starting to feel guilty about what I wrote yesterday!