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Many Happy Returns : September 16

Happy Birthday....

....Kyla Pratt, you defied your father in the film Dr. Doolittle to talk to the animals. You're 23! Bloody hell, Raven from That's So Raven must be in her 40's now!...

....Madelina Zima, you punched David Duchovny in the face during sex in Californication making a smash in the mush actually quite sexy, well done you....

....Katie Melua, you talented Georgian wunderkind you. Nice songs, nice guitar strumming, man's chin...

....Fanny, you're a French singer whose last hit was <> in 1997. I've never heard of you but your name made me laugh....

....Tina Barrett, you made up the numbers in S Club 7....

....Justine Frischmann, you were the first reason I found to hate Damon Albarn in the 90's - I've found many more reasons since. Elastica's first album was brilliant but the BBC Three architecture programme was nonsense...

...Richard Marx, Hazard made me want to puke, as did Dance With My Father but you seem nice enough....

....Danny John-Jules, of all the former sci-fi comedians who threaten bin men with Samurai swords you are my favourite. Nice one for Maid Marian and her Merry Men as well...

....Jennifer Tilly, as good as you were in Liar Liar my favourite film of yours is Bound, make your own conclusions....

....David Copperfield, you're the American magician not the 80's comedian....

....Janet Ellis, kudos for introducing the notion of smuggling peanuts to a generation....

....Mickey Rourke, brilliant in The Wrestler, somehow I think your face is younger than the rest of you....

....Loyd Grossman, LOVE your pasta sauce range. Smokey Bacon is my favourite at the moment....

....Russ Abbot, I hope tonight's party has a happy atmosphere....

....Breyten Breytenbach, painter who was name checked as a nice South African in Spitting Image's best song....

....Lauren Bacall, legend whose real name is Betty....

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