Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Rip It Up And Start Again?

The MEN is reporting that the council have brought in some consultants to work out what to do with Moston Lane now it's a decrepit shadow of it's former self.

The councillors themselves have pointed to the ready availability of booze as one of the major factors decrying the fact that it has 22 licensed premises including off-licences within 400 yards of each other, one of them even calls the Lane "Alcohol Alley".

There must be someone to blame for this proliferation of boozeholes on this one-mile stretch. If only we knew who granted the licences for all of these shops to sell Kestral Super Strength at £1.49 for 8? Bugger me! It's the council, isn't it!

So what is the big idea from Manchester City Council to get Moston off it's knees? Bring in a consultant! If it doesn't work out, we can blame someone else!!! A ridiculous state of affairs.

This time of year I think about Christmas Eve walking down The Lane with my mum getting all the stuff we need for Christmas, queuing up past the Post Office for muffins and potted meat from Haworth's, cooked meat from the butchers...and another queue, Wallman's for everything else...yep another queue but that wasn't too bad because I was writing rude words on all the magic screens at the toy shelf at the back of the shop.


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Things We Need vs Things We Don't

Things that we, as a people, a society and a civilisation, need :

1. A cure for Cancer
2. A sustainable source of energy
3. A truly universal belief system
4. Enough food and crops to make sure that no one person goes hungry
5. A system that will allow the highest standard of education is available to every child no matter of their circumstances

Things that we, as a people, a society and a civilisation, DON'T need :

1. A new single from Michael Fucking Buble!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

No! Your server is not a waiter or waitress!

You Tube Goodies : October 15th

The pretty bloody good Jay on Channel 4 Dubai featured this today. Utterly brilliant.

...which led me to this gem.....

Bizarre Conversations At Work #1

Jez : Wouldn't it be a pain if your pubes fell out every autumn instead of the leaves?

I suppose it would! Your car and bed would be full of them, they'd be under everyone's desk at work, the buses and trains would be a nightmare of short and curlies!

Worth thinking about!

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Last night was the very very worst..

I can report right here that last night I had the very, very worst night's sleep.

I slept in fits of 20 minutes before waking up with a start, convinced I was late. One one occasion I woke up at 4.20 furious with myself because I only had 10 minutes to get to my job in Newbury. Only when I was sprinting down the stairs did I realise that I only work in Newbury on a Sunday morning and this was, in fact, Tuesday.

Right now, I need to run about and keep busy otherwise I will be asleep within seconds! Ridiculous!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

FatMancunian FM - Shuffle (30Sept09)

At work we have a PA system through which we can play out either Heart or Gold. Today Shaun (who is the station's producer) chose to play Gold on it, Charlotte (who is the news editor) had a little paddy about it and so, maturely and sensibly, turned it all off! I fired up Spotify and took out my headphones and FatMancunian FM was born.

Here's a random selection of what we heard....and what would happen on air if, God forbid, I was ever allowed to programme a radio station.

1. Wild Wild Life - Talking Heads

2. Don't Let Me Down, Gently - The Wonder Stuff

3. Big New Prinz - The Fall (Live on "The Other Side Of Midnight" - Granada TV)

4. Feeling Numb - The Fall

5. Generation Sex - Divine Comedy

6. One Step Beyond - Madness

7. Steppin' Out - Joe Jackson

8. Transmission - Joy Division ("Something Else" - BBCtv)

9. Lost in Music - The Fall

10. Slow Life - Super Furry Animals

The Playlist :

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Many Happy Returns : September 16

Happy Birthday....

....Kyla Pratt, you defied your father in the film Dr. Doolittle to talk to the animals. You're 23! Bloody hell, Raven from That's So Raven must be in her 40's now!...

....Madelina Zima, you punched David Duchovny in the face during sex in Californication making a smash in the mush actually quite sexy, well done you....

....Katie Melua, you talented Georgian wunderkind you. Nice songs, nice guitar strumming, man's chin...

....Fanny, you're a French singer whose last hit was <> in 1997. I've never heard of you but your name made me laugh....

....Tina Barrett, you made up the numbers in S Club 7....

....Justine Frischmann, you were the first reason I found to hate Damon Albarn in the 90's - I've found many more reasons since. Elastica's first album was brilliant but the BBC Three architecture programme was nonsense...

...Richard Marx, Hazard made me want to puke, as did Dance With My Father but you seem nice enough....

....Danny John-Jules, of all the former sci-fi comedians who threaten bin men with Samurai swords you are my favourite. Nice one for Maid Marian and her Merry Men as well...

....Jennifer Tilly, as good as you were in Liar Liar my favourite film of yours is Bound, make your own conclusions....

....David Copperfield, you're the American magician not the 80's comedian....

....Janet Ellis, kudos for introducing the notion of smuggling peanuts to a generation....

....Mickey Rourke, brilliant in The Wrestler, somehow I think your face is younger than the rest of you....

....Loyd Grossman, LOVE your pasta sauce range. Smokey Bacon is my favourite at the moment....

....Russ Abbot, I hope tonight's party has a happy atmosphere....

....Breyten Breytenbach, painter who was name checked as a nice South African in Spitting Image's best song....

....Lauren Bacall, legend whose real name is Betty....

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Do I qualify?

Manchester City Council are meeting today to discuss whether the council should give every household in God's own city £50 to help during the recession.

A great idea, and if I still lived there I'd use that money to help support local businesses....
...Joseph Holt's.....Martin's Bakery etc...

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Surely The Easiest Thing In The World

Chris Brown has annoyed me greatly!

He's all over the entertainment press this morning for making a public apology about hitting Rihanna back in February. Since then most radio in the UK has stopped playing his records (no great shame there) and he's been seen, rightly so, as a bit of a thug!

Today, he's full of remorse. My favourite nugget is "as I sit here today, I can tell you that I will do everything in my power to make sure that it never happens again. "

Surely it's the easiest thing in the world to stop yourself from striking someone you love? I doubt I'm superhuman but I've managed 33 years without battering someone important in my life. I've even managed to avoid pounding somebody I dislike to a pulp.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Watch it while you can

I love this, so should you!

Watch it now before YouTube realise it's there

Monday, June 08, 2009

A Short Note About Karma

This weekend I started to believe in karma. You know what karma is. The belief that no deed, good or bad, goes unrewarded nor unpunished.

I went paintballing for my friend's stag weekend at the Mapledurham Estate in Berkshire. As I was travelling straight from my second job in Newbury I was there well before anyone else and so parked up in an empty car park.

After 30 minutes of trying to get a quick kip a carload of Russian gentlemen pulled up beside me. As the driver got out he SLAMMED his door into my car. My little Corsa was subject to bullying of the very highest order! Not so much as a glance from Sergei, no "sorry", no remorse on his face, not even a look from him.

What made it worse was that he came back having forgotten something and DID IT AGAIN....TWICE!!!!!!!

So his card was marked. I made a mental note of him and promised myself that if I were to give anyone the PJ and Duncan treatment it would be him!

Unfortunately, as we kitted up and were allocated colours for our teams I found that my Russian friend was going to be on my team. Gutted. I can't shoot someone who's on my side! I may be many things but I'm not an American!

So we went to the first game. Sergei and his mates were taking things extremely seriously. These boys had seen Rambo and were going to play it out on a wet Saturday afternoon in the middle of nowhere.

The first game involved a fort with a flag. One team stayed in the fort and guarded it from the other team who were tasked to run down the hill and raise the said flag.

I gingerly mooched around the trees which were all too small and thin to disguise me and got shot a number of times.

On my right however were my Corsa-battering somersaulting Russian friends. The driver of the car which inflicted the damage to Kaye the Corsa (not my name for it, the-former-Mrs.-Green's - men do NOT name their cars) was performing a particularly amazing roll towards the target, shot up and dived for one of the screens with a little hole to poke your gun through, like they have on Gladiators.

Unfortunately he slipped......

.....went flying.....

....and dislocated his shoulder!

He was out of action. His mates didn't want to leave him because, as much as anything, he was their lift home and so they left the arena and made for the Royal Berkshire.


Hit my car, deal with the consequences!

This is my paintball injury from the weekend!

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Love-In Your Work

Every now and again people in middle management speak to their bosses and their bosses will slip into the conversation the name or names of some dull-witted management training guru they've heard about recently and then the worst thing imaginable happens.
Those middle management types, because they have no imagination nor ideas of their own and want to cosy up to the upper eschelons, then read the books of the aforementioned guru and instigate the ridiculous practices they've been told to adopt on their own staff.
Today is one of those days when my colleagues and I get the sharp end of this practice as we embark on "The Love-In".
The idea behind it is that over the last week or so we've been compiling our own list of things about each other that we really like and we will present these lists later today.
So how does that improve the show then I hear you cry? Well.......I don't know!
The idea I guess is that if we know what each other likes about us we can do those things more often thereby creating a better atmosphere on the air.
As we all know when you hear something for the first time (like an ABBA song) you quite like it but after hearing it 30 times in 2 days it gets boring so surely if we take all that to heart the things that endered one to another will, with more and more exposure to it, become the attributes that you find annoying?
I'm all for being positive but when it's being enforced I can't help but rail against it.
I hope one of the team find that an endearing quality......otherwise I'm f**ked!

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Favourite Songs From The 90's : Random Choice

Salad - Diminished Clothes - 1995

MTV VJ Marijne van der Vlugt. Oh my God did I fancy this woman!

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Begin Again

Can I recommend "Fat Bloke Slims" by Bruce Byron?
I've decided to take the old Weigh In Wednesday seriously, finally, and try losing some weight. With that in mind I went to find some healthy cookery books for single men who live on their own and, surprise surprise, bugger all there but this book caught my eye.
The author is an actor (he plays DC Terry Perkins in The Bill apparently) who noticed he was a mere 3 stone overweight and decided to do something about it.
It's full of the same advice I've read a thousand times before but, refreshingly, didn't promise to make you slim. He makes it obvious that the first thing you need to do is make the decision, properly to sort yourself out and keep that in mind whenever a food or drink choice comes your way.
It's not a manual for success, it's just him telling you what he's done and why. I did find it inspiring. I realise it's only week one but I've started to do at least an hour of exercise a day and already feel great. I've decided not to have any take away at all this week, eating out is probably not on the cards anyway because of having to save a bit of cash so that's helped!
I don't know if I've lost any weight this week but I feel a lot better already.
That said, I am going to treat myself to a McDonald's breakfast this morning (and work it off later) and tomorrow being my birthday I'm planning a few scoops so we'll see. It might be undoing some good work but I'm putting new habits into place and what with only having one birthday a year the Monday drink-fest is hardly likely to become habit.....wouldn't have thought so anyway!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

I'm Not Perving!

I'm waiting for Hayley to try on what she wants at Calvin Klein in the
Swindon Outlet Village. Don't know if I feel more of a pervert hanging
about for her inside the store or loitering outside staring in!

Sent from my iPhone

Thursday, March 26, 2009

What happens when you question a psychic?

Apparently this guy's integrity was questioned by the show's host and all hel broke loose.

My favourite part is when he calmly sits back down!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Fat Mancunian's Z-A of the 90's #6

Live on later with Jools Holland (cheers PRS/YouTube)...

..."You're Gorgeous" - Babybird

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Just a test

Just trying mobile blogging for the first time! This is my desk!

FatMancunian's Z-A of the 90's - #5

Live on Top Of The Pops (with the dulcit tones of one Mark Franklin) it's....
Saint Etienne - "You're in A Bad Way" (1993)

Friday, March 13, 2009

FatMancunian's Z-A of the 90's : #2

...Skid Row - "Youth Gone Wild" (1991)
Live at Wembley Stadium, supporting Guns N Roses

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Fat Mancunian's Z-A of the 90's : #1

An occasional series of my favourite tunes form the 90's in reverse alphabetical order...for no good reason!


#1 You've Got it Bad : OCEAN COLOUR SCENE

Monday, February 09, 2009

Noel's House Rally

Hilarious this. How the hell does Cheggers et. al. keep a straight face!


...wisely decided against the whole 25 random things.

BAFTA's and that

Only saw the last half hour, waiting for Match Of The Day 2 and didn't want to see people pricking about on snow.
Wossy seemed on form, chuffed that Slumdog Millionaire cleaned up, Kate winslet really really does it for me, all spoiled by the fact that Terry Gilliam's speech was so obviously cut to smithereens that the BBC should be ashamed of themselves, after they f**ked up the tribute beforehand. Arguably the most talented person in the room cut short for no apparent reason. They weren't running late were they?

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

fatmancunian is...

..really quite bored! To the point where I may do that 25 random things about yourself!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Best photo of 2009 so far

From the New York Times.

I imagine the Obama's and Clinton's singing "Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead" under their breaths!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Tommy Sheridan

According to Digital Spy, Tommy's wife was dead against him going into the house mainly because she doesn't think he stands a chance of winning.

Speaking to the Daily Record she said "He has already said he is anti-royalist, he's Scottish and socialist, so there is no way the English will vote for him."

Bloody hell I would! Never mind Big Brother, get him into Number 10!

Get Away!

Things I've learned today :

The Late Dave Dee was a cadet at the Wiltshire Constabulary and was the first on the scene at the crash that killed Eddie Cochran!

Reading was used as the capital for a while during the civil war!

Friday, January 09, 2009