Monday, November 03, 2008

Ross and Brand

Just getting back to work now and catching up on what I've missed.

The whole Russell Brand and Johnathan Ross thing.

Childish - yes. Good entertaining radio - undecided. Worth 3 people losing their jobs over including the woman who made the radio station the biggest in the country - hardly.

6 Fascinating Facts

Matthew Rudd's tagged me in his blog for this entry which means I've got to give 6 fascinating facts about myself.

1. I was one of the radio friends who auditioned (unsuccessfully) for Telly Addicts with Matthew.

2. I met Ray Charles

3. If it wasn't for Viking FM saying yes to my demo tape, I would now be a Catholic priest.

4. When I take tea, I like it to be so milky it practcally moo's

5. I fancy Dawn French and Suranne Jones in equal measure.

6. I've just climbed 2/3rds of Mount Kilimanjaro...yes...yes I have!!!

I don't know 6 more people to nominate!

Friday, September 05, 2008

DJ's encourage drinking

Yep, Britain's binge drinking culture is all down to the radio.

In a new survey carried out by the University of Sensibleness they found that DJ's, especially Chris Moyles, are guilty of glamourising getting boozed-up.

To be fair though, it is fucking ace!!!!!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

It Wouldn't happen here #2

In order to help Canada's ailing film industry, the Canadian government give the green-light to "Northern Peaks", a porn channel.

Only on the proviso that 50% of "five-knuckle features" are made in Canada thereby creating a porn industry in the country.

What's all that aboot?

It Wouldn't Happen Here #1

It was the funeral of the former leader of Zambia over the weekend.
His biggest political rival turned up.... the widow chased him out!

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Caught Out!

Just been listening to the fabulous Dosecast from Hirsty, Danny and JoJo ( and they're talking about a couple of lesbians getting caught "at it" in Hebden Bridge. Now as every right thinking man in the world knows, lesbians are great! They rule! I agree with Danny on the subject and when I assume my place as President of the New UK after the revolution, lesbians will recieve tax breaks.

Anyway, they did a phone-in on times you've been caught and it reminded me of a time I was very nearly caught out!

It was with my ex who lived in the country. She'd been away on holiday and so I went up to see her at her parents' house. After a spot of tea we went for a walk in the fields round the back of the village. One thing led to another and a bit of au-naturel was sampled!

So we went back to the house, she went upsatair to sort herself out before giving me a lift home and I went into the front room to chat to her dad. After a few minutes I got up to make a brew but noticed there was a new little mark on their nice white leather sofa. A little investigation revealed what the mark was. There was a lump of sheep shit in my hair...which had rubbed on the sofa.

A bit of cheeky cleaning with the elbow sorted it out and I don't think the parents were ever any the wiser....unless of course they're reading which case it was all her fault!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Ramsey's Bovine Nightmares

Watched "The F Word" yesterday.

There was a scene where the calves that Janet Street-Porter had been raising were sent to the slaughterhouse. It's a family-run business and all that touchy-feely crap!

Anyway, JSP asked the question that any caring farmer would, "How will they be killed?"

The reply was that they would be killed in the most humane way possible. "We'll shoot him with a stun gun and then slit his throat while he's stunned allowing the blood to drain from the carcass."

Not overly humane really is it. I can't imagine that if euthanasia were ever legalised there would be too many people asking that their loved ones were stunned and then had their throats slit!

Let's never forget though, the main message of the exercise. Veal is tasty!

Sunday, July 13, 2008


Christ I'm tired!
Hardly any sleep (none) on Friday meant it was a struugle to get through the weekend job.
I got home at 4.45am, straight to bed, straight to sleep. 13 hours later, I woke up, watched the remaining 4 episodes of Arrested Development I had borrowed from LoveFilm.ccom and fell back to sleep.
Woke up, packed for the gym, realised that the gym was closed because I'd slept so much, called H and came to work.

Sleepy again now!

By the way, is it just me or does anyone else find ProPlus utterly useless? Are you supposed to have them with a triple espresso for them to work?

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Rufus Hound - an update

When this blog began some time ago I was quite rude about comedian and TV presenter Rufus Hound.

Having seen him on this year's Glastonbury coverage, and watching him clearly share my love for Guy Garvey when gushingly interviewing him, I think I was a big harsh. (..and wasn't Edith Bowman's introduction interesting!)

Elbow, by the way, were the best thing at Glastonbury so far (from what I've seen on BBC3 anyway.

Ting Tings second and Manu Chao a close third!

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Weigh in

Last weigh in was June 11th and I was 22 stone 7 pounds.

17 days later.....

.......21 stone 8 pounds!!

1 pound off a stone in 2 and a half weeks. GET IN!!!!

Only another 5 to go!!!

BBC Sport - Sign him up!!

Beard sent me this...

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Tobias Funke

I watched this episode last night and had to stop the machine because I was laughing so much!

Monday, June 23, 2008

Never Not Funny....


George Carlin

You may have known him as the guy from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

Not around anymore, yet Jim Davidson lives! Work that out!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

22 Stone 7 Pounds

That's the starting weight.
I need to get down to 16 stone, really.
In preparation for the trip to Killimanjaro I've had the first bout of injections needed so for the next ten years I am officially resistant to Yellow Fever and something else. I get 2 more next week.
The plan today is to do an hour down the gym...but it will be sunny...and I will be tired...ho hum!

Monday, March 17, 2008

Heather Mills

Wanted £125million, only got £23.5 and so now comes the appeal.
The poor lamb!

What an utter c**t!

Friday, March 14, 2008

Improve your record collection immediately!


It's amazing!!

Inspirational Stuff

I found a calendar in work. One of those freebies that companies give you, and it has a number of inspirational quotes on there.

It starts off well but loses it when we get to April.

January - Charles Darwin from "The Origin Of The Species" - It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change"

February - former US President who wasn't a nutter Franklin D Roosevelt - When you come to the end of your rope...tie a knot and hang on"

March - all round good egg Ghandi - He that would have the fruit must climb the tree.

...and here's where it loses it...

April - CELINE DION!!!!

I read no further!

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Man U 4 Arse 0

A powerhouse performance by our 2nd XI!
No Scousers at Wembley!
All I need is the lottery win and I'm sorted!

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Britney's Dad : The Truth?

The showbiz bitchy blogs are full of Britney rubbernecking. It's all obviously a bit sad and hopefully the turning point for the poor love.

However, looking at this picture of her dad arriving at the hospital to see her from Popsugar..,3,0&show=large

Isn't that Paul Heaton?

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Here come the Resolutions!

1. Get fitter - I put on 8 pounds over Christmas. Even for me that's some going. Plus, I've been invited up to Loch Ness later in the year to do a charity event for my cousin and I don't want to keel over while doing it. Off to the gym after work. No, honestly! Stop looking at me like that!

2. Money! - this year is already pretty much devoted to sorting my dire finances out. Once I've moved over (hopefully within the next two weeks) it should be a little easier!

3. Just do it! - Carried over from last year because it seemed to work when I remembered to do it. No over-thinking, if it feels right, do it!

4. Try not to get pregnant! - There's got to be one I can definately keep!

Ken Dodd...

...seems to be on the mend..and thank God. I was starting to feel guilty about what I wrote yesterday!

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

European Capital Of Culture : Dey Are Doe Aren't De Doe!

There's every chance this hasn't embedded properly, so try

Not the most ideal time for a stalwart of Merseyside Culture to fall ill. Days after the BBC made a big fuss of him with a night of shows Ken Dodd has been admitted into hospital. I hope he makes a recovery. Primarily because he's funny and one of the last real showmen but also because I can't be doing with another mawkish display of grieving from our Scouse brethren. I don't want to start the New Year off with professional Scousers (who all live in London, funny that) demanding a public holiday.

If the worst does happen, I wonder if they'll have Diddymen carrying his coffin?