Wednesday, August 25, 2010


OK, so what the BLOODY HELL does this mean?

I've been having nightmares on and off now for 6 months but this one was by far the worst.

After going to my brothers' flat in Reading town centre (they don't live together, they certainly don't live in Reading) I was followed home by a tall man with a shock of grey hair, looking not unlike Christopher Lee.

From then on, at regular intervals, I would get notes about how he was going to kill me and make it look like suicide. After the 5th note the secret shadowy department of the police got involved. Note 7 was a grid reference of the location of my planned "suicide". Eventually the man showed himself while we were in Manchester Central Library studying maps with that grid reference. He was exposed as the location was found not to exist and the police unit all left with a swoosh shouting "It's a camera"!

The man was then arrested and his daughter (who looked like Jerry Sadowitz) came round to my flat in London (I don't live in London) crying her eyes out demanding to know where I was going to kill myself before putting her hands around my neck while my brothers looked on, laughing.

I don't know what any of that means, but I'm pretty sure it's not a forecast of a lottery win!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Tweets of the Day


@KiranArora Recently I've been playing a lot of FIFA. Basically I sit in an office in Zurich and think of ways to ruin World Cups.
@JustinEagleton Nice to see so many City fans dressed as blue plastic seats....#tumbleweed

@xrrf Kershaw's back: Here's a piece of really good news: Andy Kershaw back on the radio :

@Matthew_Rudd Twitter wants me to follow Amanda Holden. Do I look like Neil bloody Morrissey?

@danwood_uk Be careful how much you eat on holiday. Man barred from returning to the UK for gaining weight

@DJChristianOC There is a hearse with coffin the back at Fleet Services! Maybe its what he would have wanted..

@Thomkirwin New Sky Sports News, Does HD stand for hardly different?

@TonyCowards Got a book from the library called “The History of Hitchhiking”, am thumbing through it. #win100

@DarrenLethem Just about to play George and Aretha. Usual gag incoming

@havanaclub_soda I hate it when your underwire comes out and stabs you in the chest. I swear my corsetry will be the death of me. #DeathByBra

@DarrenLethem Just been asked if I would like to follow Chris Moyles. Only if I am driving a steam roller

@RealDMitchell "Peep Show" series 7 shoot starts today. I don't want anyone to get over-excited but this morning I think we're filming in a KFC!

Monday, August 23, 2010

How much do I want to pay for being a newsgeek?

There's a great little interview with Ally Ross from The Sun in today's Media Guardian.

This bit of the article intrigued me..

"He doesn't get the same online feedback/debate/abuse as other papers' TV critics because his reviews – along with the columns of some of the newspaper's other big-name writers – are not on its website. I wanted to find out from the Sun why its best-known columnists are not online, and whether it is testing things out in preparation for an extension of the paywall, but no one at News International wanted to talk to me. Ross himself is remarkably unfussed about missing out on readers by not being online. He started in the industry before online news was popular and he leaves all that kind of thing to other people. "I trust they know what they're doing," he says."

The Guardian like other news outlets have recently seems amazed by the decision by News International to put paywalls up for their online portfolio with the main argument, it seems, being that you're stopping a wider audience from seeing your content.

Maybe I've been around media-based capitalists for too long, but the question that screams out to me is what are outlets like the Guardian and the Telegraph doing NOT charging for their content? Surely we've had things like this for free for too long when we're starting to see access to people hard work as a right rather than a service to be paid for.

This doesn't extend to the BBC because, obviously, we've already paid for that...and maybe that's why the papers continue to give their content away, the fear being that they would lose potential advertisers on both fronts (if the BBC are allowing you to see their brilliant news and sport coverage for free, why would I pay for either the paper or the online version?)

Maybe I'm part of the problem. I'm more than happy for newspapers to place their content behind a paywall but I won't ever consider paying for it online, I'd rather buy a paper.

Tweets of the Week

There are a lot of tweets from VizTopTips.....which I don't apologize for!

@Popjustice Diana Vickers told me last year that The X Factor reminded her of being nervous so much that the theme made her want a poo.

@ VizTopTips DRIVERS. When you see those 'accident blackspot' signs you should speed up. You don't want to hang about in dangerous places. @leslie1976

@VizTopTips COUNCILS. Save money on safety equipment by shaving off workmen's body hair and painting them with permanent luminous paint. /via @HolyMole

@markaustinitv Just heard on radio female student who got two C's and D instead of three A's. "well,I might go into journalism then".

@VizTopTips SCHOOLS: avoid the annual controversy over whether exams are getting easier by using the same exam questions every year. @acatcalledfrank

@holymoly The first guy singing needs to have an awkward conversation with his wife quite soon.

@Scroobiuspipyo Id love to have seen the "We Buy Any Car" people go on Dragons Den with that sentence as their whole business plan.

@VizTopTips AVOID confusion by simply understanding everything all of the time. /via @srafferty73

@VizTopTips SINGLE PEOPLE. Phrase "plenty more fish in the sea" is no longer true. Stocks are dwindling. Marry your partner now. /via @GadgetJase

@alexthedarklord Today you are slightly more like your parents than you were yesterday. Check yourself out and report in.

@SarahMillican75 I just ate my emergency Mars Bar out of the car and I'm not even ashamed.

@tvBite Nice to see Denis Leary finally doing something that he's not copied from Bill Hicks - reaching his 53rd birthday.

@VizTopTips WHEN using a 'pay as you go' public toilet, offset your financial loss by stealing the bog roll. /via @TheMoodyMann.

@MrsRupertPupkin Found a 1998 "To Do" list. Still need to "Follow my dreams." Can cross off "Tape Frasier."

@JustinEagleton Terry Hall is a ledge!!!

@VizTopTips INSOMNIACS: use those bonus nighttime hours to think about your problems and fears. /via @paulfoneill

@stephencgrant 'Pas de probleme', 'de rien', and 'avec plaisir' are the sisters of merci.

@paul_a_smith While you're at it, if you're still calling yourself a social media guru, evangelist, wizard or anything else, punch yourself in the balls.

@gaylerealradio People who wear 'fun' clothes are no fun. Just met a very miserable man in a bow tie.

@ConorMcNicholas I saw two shooting stars last night, I wished on them but they were only satellites. It's wrong to wish on space hardware...

@leeboardman I can't handle Greg Wallace when he puts food in his mouth. He kind of sexually assaults it with his face. FORK IT! #masterchef

@VizTopTips HEAVY METAL FANS. Turn your sister's Girls Aloud poster into a Def Leppard one by simply drawing moustaches on the girls. @DrDoneLittle.

@VizTopTips HALIFAX: Improve your PR by manning the cashier booths instead of pretending you're a radio station. /via @calmdownkidder

@VizLetterBocks RT @jordmiller: I once asked Tiger Woods about golf carts and he went off on one.

@caitlinmoran Attention: @TimWestwood has been offered Dancing On Ice, and wonders if he should do it. We must all tell him: YES.

@VizTopTips FIND a needle in a haystack by burning the haystack to the ground and then metal detectoring the ashes. Simple. /via @Sheardyj

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


On my Google Reader, I had all the entries from the AMAZING "Man In the Morning" blog from a couple of years ago. I was just reading them and wanted to do so in order so I changed the view from "Newest" to "Oldest" and LOST THE LOT!!!


Does anyone know who Zak De Luxe was?

I Love Lamebook part 1

Made me guffaw!!!

Monday, August 16, 2010

Get Off My Feed Mother----er!!

So Axl Rose had his Twitter feed hacked did he?

If you've not been following this, @axlrose was updated over the weekend to say that GnR's roster of shows had been cancelled with immediate effect. Cue gnashing of teeth from the older Reading and Leeds ticketholders about the fact that the reason they paid £150+ had, once again, let them down.

See, he's got form for this. Shows cancelled all over the place. On the few occasions he had deigned to turn up it was normally late and they would go off at curfew time making for a total performance time of 30odd minutes.

Which is why when the "announcement" was made, few eyebrows were raised. The subsequent tweet suggesting that W. Axl had been hacked was more surprising.

It would not surprise me if he did actually post the offending tweet only for the record company to go begging for him to reconsider.

So it seems Reading and Leeds will get their dose of GnFnR....

...I wouldn't put your house on it though.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Favourite Tweets - 12th August

@TheCowlicker Grammer is important : Capitalisation is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse & helping your uncle jack off a horse

@MJMcKean I say parole Mark David Chapman; but every Beatle fan in the world gets to kick him in the groin. He can take us alphabetically

@GriffoRadio Didn't Fabio Capello start his career as game show host Guy Smiley on Sesame Street? He wears glasses now of course

@iainlee Reading a biography of de Niro that King of Comedy isn't very good! Bullshit. It's one of his best films.

@anniemacdj There is no sensation I detest more than walking face first through a cobweb

@EamonnHolmes Beckham - it's hardly a surprise it's over for him and England - but it just shows how bad bosses are in dealing with the workforce!

@stephenfry It's official. iPhoners get more sex than BB or Android users. Who could have doubted it?

@GrahamBandage @thesimonevans The Welsh Daily Post (I believe) headlined a story about the abolition of certain local authorities "Last Quango In Powys"

@the63336 Question reveived ay 12.03pm : Can cross eyed people drive?

@watsoncomedian I'm sure other Bristol City fans will join me in thanking Steve Coppell for just over ten minutes of loyal, devoted service to the club

@the63336 Question received : If I put sweetcorn in the microwave will I make popcorn?

@RadioWatcher Autism Radio UK prepares to launch
- I'm certain there's a joke there but I can't put my finger on it!


Thursday, August 05, 2010