Fat Mancunian

Just been listening to the fabulous Dosecast from Hirsty, Danny and JoJo ( http://www.galaxyyorkshire.co.uk/ ) and they're talking about a couple of lesbians getting caught "at it" in Hebden Bridge. Now as every right thinking man in the world knows, lesbians are great! They rule! I agree with Danny on the subject and when I assume my place as President of the New UK after the revolution, lesbians will recieve tax breaks. Anyway, they did a phone-in on times you've been caught and it reminded me of a time I was very nearly caught out! It was with my ex who lived in the country. She'd been away on holiday and so I went up to see her at her parents' house. After a spot of tea we went for a walk in the fields round the back of the village. One thing led to another and a bit of au-naturel was sampled! So we went back to the house, she went upsatair to sort herself out before giving me a lift home and I went into the front room to chat to her dad. After a few minut...

Watched "The F Word" yesterday. There was a scene where the calves that Janet Street-Porter had been raising were sent to the slaughterhouse. It's a family-run business and all that touchy-feely crap! Anyway, JSP asked the question that any caring farmer would, "How will they be killed?" The reply was that they would be killed in the most humane way possible. "We'll shoot him with a stun gun and then slit his throat while he's stunned allowing the blood to drain from the carcass." Not overly humane really is it. I can't imagine that if euthanasia were ever legalised there would be too many people asking that their loved ones were stunned and then had their throats slit! Let's never forget though, the main message of the exercise. Veal is tasty!

Christ I'm tired! Hardly any sleep (none) on Friday meant it was a struugle to get through the weekend job. I got home at 4.45am, straight to bed, straight to sleep. 13 hours later, I woke up, watched the remaining 4 episodes of Arrested Development I had borrowed from LoveFilm.ccom and fell back to sleep. Woke up, packed for the gym, realised that the gym was closed because I'd slept so much, called H and came to work. Sleepy again now! By the way, is it just me or does anyone else find ProPlus utterly useless? Are you supposed to have them with a triple espresso for them to work?

When this blog began some time ago I was quite rude about comedian and TV presenter Rufus Hound. Having seen him on this year's Glastonbury coverage, and watching him clearly share my love for Guy Garvey when gushingly interviewing him, I think I was a big harsh. (..and wasn't Edith Bowman's introduction interesting!) Elbow, by the way, were the best thing at Glastonbury so far (from what I've seen on BBC3 anyway. Ting Tings second and Manu Chao a close third!

Last weigh in was June 11th and I was 22 stone 7 pounds. 17 days later..... .......21 stone 8 pounds!! 1 pound off a stone in 2 and a half weeks. GET IN!!!! Only another 5 to go!!!

Beard sent me this...

I watched this episode last night and had to stop the machine because I was laughing so much!

Brilliant!

You may have known him as the guy from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure Not around anymore, yet Jim Davidson lives! Work that out!

That's the starting weight. I need to get down to 16 stone, really. In preparation for the trip to Killimanjaro I've had the first bout of injections needed so for the next ten years I am officially resistant to Yellow Fever and something else. I get 2 more next week. The plan today is to do an hour down the gym...but it will be sunny...and I will be tired...ho hum!

Wanted £125million, only got £23.5 and so now comes the appeal. The poor lamb! What an utter c**t!

BUY THIS!!! It's amazing!!

I found a calendar in work. One of those freebies that companies give you, and it has a number of inspirational quotes on there. It starts off well but loses it when we get to April. January - Charles Darwin from "The Origin Of The Species" - It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change " February - former US President who wasn't a nutter Franklin D Roosevelt - When you come to the end of your rope...tie a knot and hang on " March - all round good egg Ghandi - He that would have the fruit must climb the tree . ...and here's where it loses it... April - CELINE DION!!!! I read no further!

A powerhouse performance by our 2nd XI! No Scousers at Wembley! All I need is the lottery win and I'm sorted!

The showbiz bitchy blogs are full of Britney rubbernecking. It's all obviously a bit sad and hopefully the turning point for the poor love. However, looking at this picture of her dad arriving at the hospital to see her from Popsugar.. http://popsugar.com/gallery/202124/?page=0,3,0&show=large Isn't that Paul Heaton?

1. Get fitter - I put on 8 pounds over Christmas. Even for me that's some going. Plus, I've been invited up to Loch Ness later in the year to do a charity event for my cousin and I don't want to keel over while doing it. Off to the gym after work. No, honestly! Stop looking at me like that! 2. Money! - this year is already pretty much devoted to sorting my dire finances out. Once I've moved over (hopefully within the next two weeks) it should be a little easier! 3. Just do it! - Carried over from last year because it seemed to work when I remembered to do it. No over-thinking, if it feels right, do it! 4. Try not to get pregnant! - There's got to be one I can definately keep!

...seems to be on the mend..and thank God. I was starting to feel guilty about what I wrote yesterday!

There's every chance this hasn't embedded properly, so try http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=nqPzSo5rpkU&feature=related Not the most ideal time for a stalwart of Merseyside Culture to fall ill. Days after the BBC made a big fuss of him with a night of shows Ken Dodd has been admitted into hospital. I hope he makes a recovery. Primarily because he's funny and one of the last real showmen but also because I can't be doing with another mawkish display of grieving from our Scouse brethren. I don't want to start the New Year off with professional Scousers (who all live in London, funny that) demanding a public holiday. If the worst does happen, I wonder if they'll have Diddymen carrying his coffin?

My best mate in the world has just got a new dog. It is a Schnauzer and she has named him Dougie. The reason for this only becomes apparent when you say his name followed by his breed. Go on. Say it. For this reason, I can no longer associate with her. :)

I did it! I braved the bin-shed. As you may have read earlier in the blog I was umming and aahing about whether or not to drive my binbags somewhere else rather than chuck them into my own bin due to the infestation of rats at the current Green home. Well, the smell got to be too much for me as I woke this afternoon and a cleaning spree took hold so they went. No more nonsense! Out they went...and I didn't see one rat...... .....mainly I assume because I had my eyes closed as I opened the shed door, squinted to see if I had taken the bin lid off properly and threw the bags in, then locked up quickly and went about my business. I've no idea if they're being scurried over and eaten by the bastard rodents as we speak. I can't think about that too much! In other news, after starving myself in anticipation of the beans and toast I was going to have when I got to Work 2, imagine my disgust when I saw that some swine had used the last of my bread for their OWN toast AND helped...