Fat Mancunian

My Auntie Gabrielle is an amazing woman. She is a mother to two very switched on children, both now grown up and ploughing their own furrow. She is a nurse, and a bloody good one at that with experience coming out of her ears. She’s a graduate, with a Masters no less. However, she is prone to the odd faux-pas and eccentricity. For example she’s got to the age she is convinced that the word “next” is spelt “NEXED” despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Recently she confused X Factor loser Ray Quinn for survival expert Ray Mears and spectacularly during a family holiday in Yugoslavia she had a disagreement with her partner, picked up her handbag and stormed away from the pool…forgetting that she had attached her handbag to the table and took the table and it’s contents halfway through the hotel bar. For as long as I’ve been interested in music and plying my trade in radio she’s talked about a song called “Marie Celeste” that she remembers from the 1980’s. The whole famil...

Watching the IT Crowd Series 2 – it’s the dinner party one! Running the battery down on my kindle Making a brew Stroking my new facial hair arrangement Writing a test page using Live Writer to see if it marries up with the changes I made to the template

Kudos to Anthony from work for finding this gem. From Italia’s Got Talent : fast forward through the judges taking the mickey to about 3 minutes in to see the greatest performance in reality TV history. If I could do this, I’d be queuing at the auditions as fast as my legs could carry me!  

…or at least not as far as I know….eh, eh! (No, seriously, I’m not and there is no chance on God’s earth that I am) Anyway, I’m not a parent but Molly Forbes’ blog about being a mother is aces, and you can vote for it here http://www.the-mads.com/index.htm

So then, day 2 of my “holiday” (it’s in inverted commas because I’m not actually going anywhere, just staying in the flat) The plan was that I’d spend this time getting up to speed on things that I’ve neglected, however so far I’ve watched Jeremy Kyle and fallen asleep on the couch. Hopefully today will be different with a bit of time set aside for “Twelve Monkeys” which I’ve got from Love Film and still haven’t seen. Good start so far! Out of bed a whole hour earlier than yesterday…

On Friday morning we got word at "The Lodge" that George Michael was releasing a cover version of "True Faith" to raise money for Comic Relief. I must admit to taking the trademark Fatmancunian position of head shaking and mumbling at the revelation. This morning I heard it. Gobsmacked. My first reaction was to wonder whether Comic Relief had gone back to the good old days of Llallaneeneenoonoo and Hale And Pace by releasing a comedy record but, no. It would appear that this is a serious effort. It's like when you're "tired and emotional" and someone's given you a kiddie's Cyberman helmet to sing through and then slowed right down as if it might have sounded fairly normal once but has been applied to an iron maiden. It is without doubt the worst, most ill-concieved record I have ever heard. If I was Comic Relief I'm be annoyed beyond belief and demanding action from George Michael's management to remedy this appalling acti...

Brilliant story about a woman who went postal in a cake shop after being told they didn't have her favourite cake anymore. My favourite bit of the piece is the desciption the police gave. "A 5'3" well built lady aged between 35-45 with shoulder length strawberry blond hair.." which has to be the politest way of say "big old ginger" in history. Hang on, let me read that description again....has anyone asked Geri Halliwell where she was when this happened? Woman goes proper mental in a cake shop

I bought the netbook in my hands for a reason, and that reason wasn’t to take round to various hotels up and down the country trying to watch iPlayer (although that is a happy biproduct). It was so that I found it easier to blog and would hopefully do more of it. I’m using Windows Live Writer which all looks fine to me and not at all problematic. Having said that it’s only day 1. Today I’ve enjoyed saying the wrong station name on air, snoozing in front of the Simpsons and Matthew Rudd’s marvellous 80’s show on Q Radio. Going to read a bit of Zig Ziglar before sleep. 3.30 dart tomorrow morning, loads to do!

Monday was "Peel Day", a chance to make a noise about new, local, live music across the country. It's also a chance each year (and quite rightly) to look back at John Peel's life and career. Like for most people, the great thing about John Peel for me was the vast majority of what was played was appalling noise, but just round the corner was the record that would change your life. I've just sat down for 10 minutes and noted down the music that comes to mind when I think of listening to John Peel and these are the 10 bands/artists that have stayed with me all these years. Stereolab - "French Disko" Man or Astroman? - "Eric Estrotica" Supergrass - "Caught By The Fuzz" Ned's Atomic Dustbin - "Kill Your Television" Pulp - "Razzmatazz" PJ Harvey - "Sheela-Na-Gig" Sabres Of Paradise - "Wilmot" Half Man Half Biscuit - "Bob Wilson Anchorman" The Wedding Present -...

....and I'll tell you why. Earlier today the tune to "With A Little Help From My Friends" jumped into my head. What was the first image that accompanied it? No, not the Beatles (either in Sgt. Pepper regalia or moptopped). What's that? Wet Wet Wet from the NME compilation "Sgt. Pepper Knew My Father"? No. Not them either! As a direct result of oft-repeated "173 Most Embarrassing Cheekbones" the first image that came to mind when I heard "With A Little Help From My Friends" was Kevin Keegan on Little and Large!! At this point I would normally embed a YouTube clip, however if I ever see the look of mock incredulity on Eddie Large's face as the Geordie Messiah ruins a classic again I worry my head might explode and I want the deposit from this flat back! Even now, Large's blue valour tracksuit and crap Mick Jagger impression is threatening my sanity! ....on a similar note, Richard Madeley's Ali G IS utterly embarrassing, but it...

'Adolf Hitler is begged by his supporters to return to power after they discover he is still alive. After resisting, Hitler says: "I'll come back, but on one condition ... next time I'm going to be evil."' The comedy stylings of Silvio Burlusconi there.....speaking at a youth rally. No. Really! http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/sep/13/silvio-berlusconi-hitler-joke

OK, so what the BLOODY HELL does this mean? I've been having nightmares on and off now for 6 months but this one was by far the worst. After going to my brothers' flat in Reading town centre (they don't live together, they certainly don't live in Reading) I was followed home by a tall man with a shock of grey hair, looking not unlike Christopher Lee. From then on, at regular intervals, I would get notes about how he was going to kill me and make it look like suicide. After the 5th note the secret shadowy department of the police got involved. Note 7 was a grid reference of the location of my planned "suicide". Eventually the man showed himself while we were in Manchester Central Library studying maps with that grid reference. He was exposed as the location was found not to exist and the police unit all left with a swoosh shouting "It's a camera"! The man was then arrested and his daughter (who looked like Jerry Sadowitz) came round to my...

FOOTBALL TWEETS @KiranArora Recently I've been playing a lot of FIFA. Basically I sit in an office in Zurich and think of ways to ruin World Cups. @JustinEagleton Nice to see so many City fans dressed as blue plastic seats....#tumbleweed RADIO TWEET @xrrf Kershaw's back: Here's a piece of really good news: Andy Kershaw back on the radio : http://bit.ly/cfTGmV TWITTER TWEET @Matthew_Rudd Twitter wants me to follow Amanda Holden. Do I look like Neil bloody Morrissey? APPALLING TREATMENT OF CHUBBY BRETHREN TWEET @danwood_uk Be careful how much you eat on holiday. Man barred from returning to the UK for gaining weight http://bit.ly/9X817c TOP SERVICE STATION SPOT TWEET @DJChristianOC There is a hearse with coffin the back at Fleet Services! Maybe its what he would have wanted.. WE WILL MAKE YOU PAY FOR BOBBINS SERVICE TWEET @Thomkirwin New Sky Sports News, Does HD stand for hardly different? MADE ME LAUGH TWEET @TonyCowards Got a book from the libra...

There's a great little interview with Ally Ross from The Sun in today's Media Guardian. This bit of the article intrigued me.. "He doesn't get the same online feedback/debate/abuse as other papers' TV critics because his reviews – along with the columns of some of the newspaper's other big-name writers – are not on its website. I wanted to find out from the Sun why its best-known columnists are not online, and whether it is testing things out in preparation for an extension of the paywall, but no one at News International wanted to talk to me. Ross himself is remarkably unfussed about missing out on readers by not being online. He started in the industry before online news was popular and he leaves all that kind of thing to other people. "I trust they know what they're doing," he says." The Guardian like other news outlets have recently seems amazed by the decision by News International to put paywalls up for their online portfolio with...

There are a lot of tweets from VizTopTips.....which I don't apologize for! @Popjustice Diana Vickers told me last year that The X Factor reminded her of being nervous so much that the theme made her want a poo. @ VizTopTips DRIVERS. When you see those 'accident blackspot' signs you should speed up. You don't want to hang about in dangerous places. @leslie1976 @VizTopTips COUNCILS. Save money on safety equipment by shaving off workmen's body hair and painting them with permanent luminous paint. /via @HolyMole @markaustinitv Just heard on radio female student who got two C's and D instead of three A's. "well,I might go into journalism then". @VizTopTips SCHOOLS: avoid the annual controversy over whether exams are getting easier by using the same exam questions every year. @acatcalledfrank @holymoly The first guy singing needs to have an awkward conversation with his wife quite soon. @Scroobiuspipyo Id love to have seen the "We Buy...

On my Google Reader, I had all the entries from the AMAZING "Man In the Morning" blog from a couple of years ago. I was just reading them and wanted to do so in order so I changed the view from "Newest" to "Oldest" and LOST THE LOT!!! AAAAARGH!!! Does anyone know who Zak De Luxe was?

http://www.lamebook.com/ Made me guffaw!!!

So Axl Rose had his Twitter feed hacked did he? If you've not been following this, @axlrose was updated over the weekend to say that GnR's roster of shows had been cancelled with immediate effect. Cue gnashing of teeth from the older Reading and Leeds ticketholders about the fact that the reason they paid £150+ had, once again, let them down. See, he's got form for this. Shows cancelled all over the place. On the few occasions he had deigned to turn up it was normally late and they would go off at curfew time making for a total performance time of 30odd minutes. Which is why when the "announcement" was made, few eyebrows were raised. The subsequent tweet suggesting that W. Axl had been hacked was more surprising. It would not surprise me if he did actually post the offending tweet only for the record company to go begging for him to reconsider. So it seems Reading and Leeds will get their dose of GnFnR.... ...I wouldn't put your house on it though.

@TheCowlicker Grammer is important : Capitalisation is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse & helping your uncle jack off a horse @MJMcKean I say parole Mark David Chapman; but every Beatle fan in the world gets to kick him in the groin. He can take us alphabetically @GriffoRadio Didn't Fabio Capello start his career as game show host Guy Smiley on Sesame Street? He wears glasses now of course http://twitpic.com/2droyo @iainlee Reading a biography of de Niro that King of Comedy isn't very good! Bullshit. It's one of his best films. @anniemacdj There is no sensation I detest more than walking face first through a cobweb @EamonnHolmes Beckham - it's hardly a surprise it's over for him and England - but it just shows how bad bosses are in dealing with the workforce! @stephenfry It's official. iPhoners get more sex than BB or Android users. http://bit.ly/aR959i Who could have doubted it? @GrahamBandage @thesimonevans The Wels...

Must update blog daily! Wise words from an old hand!